When Friendship Lights The Way When All Hope Seems Lost

This here is a story that one would think would come from a movie script, for it has it’s beauty and it’s shadow, along with it’s surprises and incredible connections, the loss, amazing reconnections, addiction, astonishing truths and sinister outlines. 

I lost a very dear friend a couple years back.  We had known each other since middle school and had stayed in touch over the years from time to time.  

Then life happens and time and distance take place.  No longer in touch except an occasional phone call out of the blue from her.  

Then once again reunited the last four years of her time here on earth.  

The Shadow of Darkness

In The Light Of Darkness

She appeared at a time in my life when all was lost.  Friends gone, conflict had ensued a wicked storm of repercussions beyond my belief.  Bullying took place, untruthful rumors spread, friends joined forces with the bullies. Lost the career I had been working on for 2 yrs.  Was one of few targeted to shut down my doors of business.  No allies in sight.  Was on the hunt for a new barn for my horses.  My rental home was about to end and I had no place to go. Homelessness looming over my head.  No family or friends that gave a care.  I was left with pretty much nothing and no hope for a future.  

My energetic vibration was dark and low, falling further and further from the light.  That attracted more of the same. I hid. Isolated.  Kept my distance from others.  Lost hope. Each day was only a matter of going through the motions.  

I only had one reason to keep going. For each day I struggled to find a reason to continue to be here.  I had no value in this world at all.  Financially, spiritually, emotionally, socially or with family or friends.  It was the love for my animals that got me out of bed each morning and drove myself to work.  Without them I had absolutely no value on this earth.  

It had been decades since I had heard from her.  We connected on Facebook (go figure).  So began our dialogue. Catching up on each other’s lives. Sharing. Laughing. Expressing all that was wounded and all that was delightful in having a friend.  

It is like that, you know.  An angel of light appears in your life.  One that you couldn’t imagine, no matter how hard you search for answers, or hard you look for a friend to come to your side.  

Our stories paralleled with one another.  Each broken by the narcissists of the world. The betrayals. The brokenness of our spirits. The anger of it’s cloak upon our lives that we did not reckon upon. 

We became each other’s sister. 

And so a friendship was rekindled and born out of the shadows of darkness.  

Life is funny like that.  Despite our torn worlds and our low vibration of energy, we happened to attract light of goodness to save our spirit within.  

This is something that I have learned about those who truly have a soul of goodness. There is always a light within. It wins over evil that preys on that low vibration.  For soulless people never attract light. Ever!  They steal it. They take it captive from others like a vampire. They crave it, but they are not souls that are conspired of goodness, their intentions only mark the world with despair and evil. 

Spirit guides hold that torch of lightness and when one can no longer fathom how they will ever see that illumination again, it appears. The form it comes in, is always in perfect form. Surprising and beyond what one could fathom.  

The Beauty Of Life & Friendship

This is where the story turns and the healing began.  It was from her friendship that life began to turn. It was from her validation that my heart healed.  From her support and what grew to be a friendship filled with genuine love, that I began to feel the beauty of life again.  

Her kindness and understanding helped rise me up.  I began to have pep in my step.  I smiled again.  I had something to look forward to each day.  

Our talks shed the tears of hurt and anger from betrayals.  We had each others backs. Supporting and validating one another. Allowing the hurt to express it’s ugliness.  No judgements. Just pure friendship, when we both were crying out from the depths of our soul to be heard. To be saved.  

Her sense of humor had me in stitches.  Her true support of wondering where I was when my return messages were delayed.  Exchanging our hopes for the future and our information for emergencies.  

I had lost a life long friendship prior to connecting again with her.  The fact that we now had one another since middle school was, I am certain, no mistake.  For I value so much life long friendships.  More often I value them, more then they value me.  I am a person who is loyal to death, whether that be mine or theirs.  

Although, I will say, this is not always an endearing quality, for I have learned to always value oneself more then any friendship, any relationship.  

But it was interesting and certainly offered to both of us something we both needed.  We took the time to rekindle a friendship with having this history to share as well.  It was perfectly wrapped to heal both of us.  

For about 2 yrs. this beautiful friendship continued.  I began to awaken again. Life was filled with bright colors and beauty.  I began to get back on track.  Got back in the saddle again and started over.  Followed my dreams. Followed my heart, never faltering or making excuses to go full steam ahead with a plan of action.  

It was that friendship that gave me that once again.  To pursue the happiness of my life.  It gave me strength to make repairs.  To try again.  To forgive my mistakes. To start again.  

Friendship is a beautiful thing and I treasure every moment I had with her.  

The Surprises

Then I didn’t hear from her for 6 months.  I called. Text. Messaged. Emailed. But nothing. 

I couldn’t figure out what happened. But I wasn’t going to pursue something that wasn’t putting forth the same efforts.  I was stronger now, and life went on.  She was always on my mind and I hoped she was well.  

Then I heard from her again.  She had connected with  a childhood sweetheart.  The love of her life.  Someone she had loved since she was 14 yrs. old.  Someone she had never forgotten and whose calling to her heart had never left her.  

Sure, there are those turns and detours in life. But he was one that she never forgot.  

She told me that they had connected and that they were in love. That each day they talked with one another.  

Lets go back in time for a bit.  

She was friends with my sister in childhood. That is how we knew one another.  We stayed connected to some degree, even after the friendship with my sister dissolved.  That is where our roots came from.

It was when they were just teenagers that they fell in love.  I was older then my sister, had a car, so I was the one that often drove them to their rendezvous meetings.  They were too young to know anything about love and I was too young to know anything about intervening in it all.  

Of course, the parents of both my sister and my friend forbid any further meetings with them.

It ended. 

But not in their hearts.  

Life went on.  Both of them got married later in life.  He had kids. She had none. 

She eventually moved out of state. 

He always lived out of state.   

And it was through Facebook (I guess there is some good things about this platform) when a high school reunion gathering that he was forced to become a techie with Facebook and use messenger. Somehow Facebook connected them, even though they had not seen or talked with one another in about 40 yrs. 

That was it.  They connected.  Fell in love all over again. 

It was this amazing love story. I was so happy for her!  

40 years of a love in your heart, even before one was old to really understand love. But the heart knows, They reunited to find that love again.

With all the twists and turns in life, they found one another again.  Reconnected and had the time of their life.  Love found. True heartfelt love.  

The Loss

Then she fell ill.  Seriously ill.  She had suffered from failing health for quite some time now.  

Months passed, and we had hope she would make it through the many challenges of health she was facing.  Tumors on the brain, in the liver and the lungs.  She was riddled with cancer.  

From this euphoric state of love to the failing health of her body.  

Her brother contacted me to let me know she was in the hospital.  I was shocked. My heart sank. I sat down in the chair that day, my head to my hand, and I could feel the tears come to surface. My gut wrenched with despair.  

What was puzzling to me is that she didn’t have a relationship with her brother at all.  But I did not give that much merit at this point.  I was more concerned at how I could get ahold of her. How could I talk to her.  

At this point she was so overtaken with medication’s, she floated in and out of consciousness.  

Her thoughts not always coherent.  

I talked with her and I remember that she said she was being moved to hospice.  

It all happened so quickly.  

And it was her brother that kept me somewhat informed.  

I had one last conversation with her before she passed on. She was in hospice and I had tried again and again to reach her.  Desperately wanting to talk with her, before there was no other opportunity.  

One day I finally reached her.  She was quite drugged up. Fading in speech. Short short periods of being conscience. She immediately recognized my voice.  I told her how much I loved her and said all the things a friend would hope to say to a dying friend. She said something funny like she always did. She passed out, but I continued to speak with her.  I knew she could hear me.  

I spoke of my day.  Of our friendship.  Of my feelings for her.  I did all I could to brighten her day and promised to call back in a day.  I was busy with work and wanted to be sure she knew how I felt.  

A day or two later. Her brother contacted me to tell me that she had passed away.  

As quickly as blowing on dandelion puff in the wind.  It’s seeds spreading everywhere, nowhere to be found again.  She was gone.

And I never heard another word from him.  No funeral arrangements were discussed or told to me.  No contact from him again.  Despite my reaching out to him several times.   

It was rather strange and I kept wondering for months and years later what happened.  

I had contacted her fiancé’ the only way I knew how, through Facebook.  But no word.  

There was this empty hole. This unfinished business left.  No closure. So many unanswered questions.  I was heartbroken.  I felt devastated.  Attempted to get a ticket to fly and see her before she passed on, but it was not affordable.  I was left with no way to plug in the hollow feeling I felt.  

My posture sunk. My tears flowed. I thought of her constantly. Life propelled forward as it always does when a life leaves this earthly plain.  We are left with the pieces and their soul rests forever in peace.  Most of all I felt this hollowness for the lack of closure.  It continued to haunt me, Questions popping in my head from time to time.  Memories of her.  But still no answers. 

No word from anyone.  Gone as if she never existed. 

Life is funny like that.  When you have this stronghold of desperation to find the answers, to seek the change that is needed, to hang on for dear life to what seems to be the lifeline, it does not come.  

It comes when you let go.  When you no longer seek in desperation, but quietly let go.  When there is no longer this fortress of anguish. When the thoughts no longer possess its power over you.  When they quietly visit you in a shield of acceptance. It no longer torments you. 

This is when answers appear.  

Two years later her fiancé contacted me.  Just like that.  Like a seedling that suddenly sprouts and quickly grows into this beautiful blossom.  He wanted to talk with me.  

Amazing Reconnections

My thought was it has been over 2 yrs. since she had passed, why now?!  

Of course I accepted and looked forward to connecting again with someone who was so close to someone who also held her so dear to her heart.  I was it much like having her here all over again.  

We talked and talked and talked.  Many questions answered for each of us.  There were so many mysteries surrounding her illness and her death.  We were able to close so many of those doors by talking with one another. 


We laughed and had fun with it and it was as if she was right there with us.  

But there were some questions that both of us still asked and could not figure out what had happened.  We naturally continued sharing our stories of our dear friend. Details revealed.  Insights were discovered.  The untold scenarios were led right into the mouths of the conversation. 

Apparently, my dear friend had suffered a back injury years ago due to the fault of the surgeon (exactly why I don’t trust doctors), had sued, won, and had become financially comfortable beyond that many of us will only dream about.  

Addiction

However, she had also become inflicted with an addiction.  Addicted to many pain killers. Was continuing to drink and was knee deep in addiction.  Hiding the facts from both me and her fiancé’.   

She knew how I felt about using, yet she continued to hide this side of her.  

Her fiancé explained irrational and belligerent behavior towards him.  

Gaps of time where she wouldn’t respond to me. 

Avoidance of subjects.  

Unanswered questions about her life to me. 

It was all making sense now.  To both of us.  To me and to her fiancé’. 

I felt this sense of betrayal again.  I questioned our friendship and how real was it really?  

Deceived by her.  Just as when she had walked into my life and appeared to be this beaming light of strength. It now all seemed as if it was nothing but deception.  That once again I was a receptacle for the energy vampires of the world.  

Was she just using me?  Like so many of us empaths seem to be fated to experience.  

I was torn. Hurt, devastated.  Yet, there were these answers. Mysteries solved for both me and her fiancé.  

I also knew and could not ignore that this is what addiction does.  It wraps itself around the person it has captivated. Jailed.  Then it begins to slowly take it’s soul one piece at a time, affecting a slow death. It feeds off destruction and deceptions.  

The person become someone we no longer recognize or like.  The shame leaks within. The lies and deceptions affect not just the captured soul but those that surround themselves around the addicted soul.  It finds much pleasure in not only damaging one person, but linking to many others and negatively impacting  them as well. It feeds off such negativity and destruction.  

It was apparent that I had seen the friend that she wanted me to see, for she held her addiction well and lied to me with every intent to hide it.  This is what addiction does.  

I was lucky enough to know the real person, the friend that lifted me up from the wrings of despair.  

Her fiancé was not as fortunate.  

There we shared what we knew and loved of our dear freind.  We remembered not just what she had succumb to, but the sweet dear person we knew and loved.  

Addiction is double edged sword. It scatters its victims far and wide.

 

Sinister Plays

As our conversation continued between her fiancé and myself, further mysteries unfolded.  

I could never understand why her fiancé had gone home and was not near her during her last days.  

During our conversation, I learned that her mother had asked him to leave.  That it was best he was not there.  

But why?  Why would she do that?  

I knew one thing, and this is what a deeply committed friendship offers.  The intimate details and intricacies of their relationships with family and other friends.  Who really cares for them and who does not.  What really goes on behind the iron curtain of double dealing.  

Her mother was not to be trusted at all.  A true narcissist.  She had this rocky, hate/ove relationship with her mother.  Her mother was not a person she could trust or rely on.  She was very manipulative and a true Jekyll land Hyde personality.  

But how did that fit into all of this?  

Her mother knew how much she loved her fiancé. She also like him.  

Why now?  

Then it became clear as the conversation with her fiancé and myself continued.

Astonishing Truths

It was the MONEY!  

Her mother and her brother were always in partnership together as my friend grew up with that.  

They were threatened by her fiance and was concerned she might change her will to give all her riches to him.  So her mother kept him away.  

I had no clue she had such wealth until I spoke with her fiancé over 2 yrs. after her death.  

That is also why I was not given too many details about where she was in hospice and what hospital she was in, etc.  I was given numbers to contact her, but no answer to details about where she was.  

Then when she passed, there was no word of a funeral.  

Only later to find that there was no funeral.  No memorial service at all.  

She was cremated.  Her ashes spread across a crappy creek where her father’s ashes were also spread. 

No recognition of her life.  No acknowledgement.  No cathartic process of her death. 

No remembrances. 

Nothing.  

As if she didn’t even exist.  As if she didn’t matter at all. 

And all because they were afraid of her money being taken from them.  

Deciding that it was best to not have any contact with any of her friends after she passed on.  

Afraid that if someone got close to her before she died or after that it would steal from their pockets what she had left in her bank accounts.   

It makes me sick!!!  

She had mentioned to her fiancé’ that she wanted to leave her condo and money to him when she was sick. But he was optimistic and didn’t want o discuss money.  His heart had no interest in money, it was her well being that was most important to him.  

I know deep in my heart that she would have never wanted that money to go to her brother or her mother.  She would have wanted it to go to the one person she loved so deeply.  Her beloved fiancé.  

This is what money does to people.  

It is worst then addiction.  

It changes them.  Not in the light, but in the darkness.  

He was given a small stipend in thought of probably silencing him and to appease him. 

But they took hold of her entire estate and were left very wealthy people.  

Left to people she would have never wanted it to be left to. 

The Wonder of it All 

I am left to wonder about it all.  

How much do you really know about a person?  

And maybe we are not intended to know it all. 

Finances are often this unspoken, hidden secret.  

Each one guarding every bit of wealth they have with lies, and deceit.  

It changes people. 

I have never given much power to money.  

I felt guilty that others had it while others suffered from the lack of it.   

I envied those that didn’t have to worry about food on the table or a roof over their head.  

I saw over and over again how it brought corruption and lies and deception. 

Even in my own family.  

How it changed people.  

How they will fight to protect it and any cost. 

How disposable people are who have little to no money  

I have never understood this

Over and over again I have seen how money brings much darkness to others. 

I have learned that everyone is disposable when it comes to money 

I saw the evil it brings.  

But, I have also learned that it holds an intrinsic value to each of us.  

It is up to each of us to decide how it will take hold of our life.  

For it’s importance matters. It just simply does.  

One must have it to survive, to thrive, to live.  

But how one gains it, keeps it and uses it is what makes the difference.  

Also how one shares it, if you have the good fortune to do so.  

It is all in the perception.  

Even if there is not much to go around, I give thanks each day to what I do have.  

Each day.  

I gain a better understanding of my own value and as I do so, I gain more financial rewards.  

I learned that there is only ME in this world that will help me.  

I must first master this. 

Then I will be gifted with financial securities.  

One might say my dear friend suffered greatly for the wealth she was gifted.  

And I wish she was her with me today, so I could ask her more about that. 

Was it all worth it?   

But she is not.  

For in the wealth, she suffered from a drug addiction.  

She suffered a horrible marriage with a psychopathic narcissist. 

She suffered pain everyday and was riddled in illness most of her life.  

Unable to really enjoy much physical activity in life. 

Living off of pain medications and an arsenal of other medications.  

A shaky and distant relationship with her mother and brother. 

Few friends.  

Is this really the price she had to pay for wealth. 

Or was it her choices?  

Yet, despite all of this, she was gifted with this great and huge love story.  

Love of a man bigger than any hardships or misfortunes.  

The kind of love story we all yearn for.  

A friendship with myself that she spoke of in high regards and cherished to her last breath.  

She spoke of nothing but goodness about me and our friendship.  

How does one put a price on friendship? 

Is there any greater gift then love or friendship.  

Now her soul rests in peace. 

Her spirit in a place where she no longer suffers.  

Where money doesn’t matter

But love and the memory of her forever lives on.

Goodbye my dear friend.

Thank you for bringing light and hope to my life when there was so much darkness.

Connect With Spirit

Image -Sunset & person

In a time of confusion and uncertainty and mayhem, there will be a loss of hope. 

Panic and fear will set in.  

The fight and flight response will take over.  

Much like an animal in a state of fear. 

The unknown becomes much like walking down a dark hallway at a death row prison, alone, with all the doors to the cells open.  It feels as if there is no hope and that death is nearby.  

Gather your sensibility. 

Your intelligence.
Your reasoning.  

Your humanity. 

And all that offers a contribution to yourself, your family, your neighbors, and our society.  

Nothing is solved or overcome in a state of panic and fear.  Nothing! 

And history will tell you that.  

Seek out and learn all you can from the past of those that have survived devastating circumstances and overcome them in amazing ways.  

Listen to what inspires and gives hope. 

(Hoarding and listening to mainstream media is not the answer)

(Continuing to spread negative news is not the answer)

Negative attracts negative

It spins it’s negative web quickly

Reach out to others that are in need and/or are alone. 

Concentrate on life and all that it offers. 

Stay in the moment.  

What can you do right now to relieve your anxieties? 

Be self-aware. 

Recognize what is adding to your anxieties and delete them from your life.  

Start to create positivity. 

Panic and fear are a choice. 

Make a different choice.   

It is all energy.  Creating positive energy is just as easy to vibrate to the world.  

If it becomes a collective choice and each person does their part, the energy will change.  

Life will look differently. Light will gleam its healing light upon us.  Answers will come. 

The darkness will have no choice but to extinguish 

Many have survived much worse. 

Watch and learn from those that have lifted the spirit of hope and inspiration into your heart.  

From those that have overcome the impossible.  

From those that have conquered greater odds then one can imagine.  

There are dozens of true stories in the world that have sparked beauty into our essence.  

This is a time where we are all tested. 

It is the response that will determine our fate.  

Panic and fear will not carry us to the finish line. 

That is not what our soldiers do in fighting for our freedom. 

They march on knowing that each day could be their last

Remember those that have seen death, come back with nothing left to come home to, body parts lost, their minds changed forever.  

Remember those that have served and died. 

Take this as an example of how to respond in times of uncertainty.  

It is their courage that has allowed us to be here today. 

Many have died so we could live.   

Use this os a guide to your CHOICE on how to respond. 

Be part of the problem or be part of the solution. 

It is a choice

Only strength, Courage, and humanity will help us overcome our current challenges

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright April 2, 2020

Ego Driven Fear vs. Friendly Fear

Image -Barn at night

I lay on the couch in the comfort of my home.  My cat curled up next to me.  Enjoying the absolute peacefulness and security of my home.  

Later this evening, or early this morning I will make my second visit to the barn to care for my beloved horses.  It will be bitter cold with a winter’s wind blowing its reminder of the season.  

I will have recently awoken from a nap. Groggy to get up and tiredly make my way to the bedroom to change clothes. Layers upon layers will prepare me for the cold.  

I fear not.  

Each piece of clothing carefully chosen for each challenge of winter’s cold.  

I walk out into the cold and it’s immediate entrance across my face awakens any fatigue I carried with me, from that comfortable nap on the couch.  

It is silent, the night.  Most have turned off their lights and taken to their beds.  But not I.  I roam the night and visit its pure silence.  

On a weekend night, there are some cars coming and going, but as I drive deeper into the country, any signs of moving cars quickly dissipate into the night.  

Some people ask, “Aren’t you afraid to go out to the barn that late?”.    “Afraid?!, I say.  “No, afraid of what?”, I ask.  Most have no answer to return for that.  “Just afraid”, they say.  

I reply again, “Afraid of what?”.  

At the barn, there are four-legged creatures of the night.  My barn is 9 miles deep into the country and away from the city.  It is located in one of the richest communities around here.  Where 30, 50 or 200 acres of land for each farm is owned, as I pass each one to and from the barn.  

There I hear only the sheer unobtrusive tranquility of nature.  Where my two-legged creatures are safe each day and night.  Where the call of an owl cries to another across the frozen land of the country.  Where the howling of the coyotes chatters to one another in a pack.  Maybe a passing car or two. The stars as big as ever in the clear of the night.  The stillness is captivating. It draws me to tranquil presence.   

Afraid?  

I fear not.  

I probably got this fearless state of the night from my mother. Her fearless tenacity has always astounded me. She feared nothing.  Sometimes at default, but none the less, fearless.  She never instilled fear in me.  Growing up on a farm, there is no time to contemplate fear.  You get out there and you get the job done!  No matter the weather, the conditions, the challenges, the obstacles, the risks.  Get out there and do it!  

I fear not the night.

None the less, I too have unsubstantiated fears that are ego-driven.  At times they can take on a tornado life of chaos and panic.  Triggered by the worst of internal fears. We each have them.  Fears, phobias, catastrophic doom.  Whatever its label, at times it ignites as real as the toes on your feet.

The Influence of Fear

As some learn to be fearful at every turn. And it seems we have a growing network of fear-mongering media messages and fear-mongering followers.  At every turn, we believe anything that comes in front of us, never investigating its validity.  Just blindly believing its message.  The messages of fear are the agenda of media today. (to understand more about fear in the media visit this link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201106/if-it-bleeds-it-leads-understanding-fear-based-media)

Some have fear instilled into them.  Be afraid of that weather. Be afraid of the night. Be afraid of people. Be afraid of driving at night. Be afraid of strangers on a walking path. Fear storms. This permeating fearful thinking, that everything at every turn is to be feared.  It can be carried energy from the generation before.  Learned behavior of anxiety carried onto a new generation.  

Unsubstantiated fears acknowledged and encouraged in a family.  Unrecognized subtleties that are learned behaviors, passed onto one generation to another.

As ABC Science states, “Fear is a natural and desirable response to a dangerous situation. But when a person’s fear is out of proportion to the stimulus that caused it or is chronic or debilitating, a person can be said to be suffering from an anxiety disorder”. (Link: https://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2003/08/04/914237.htm)

Not to be mistaken with caution.  Cautions are logically thought out and determined as an instinctual form of survival. It warns us of danger and to be safe and avoid any unnecessary risks.  As Yoga International states, ” Caution means allowing fear to be present because we understand the inherent necessity for bodily or psychological survival”. (Link: https://yogainternational.com/article/view/the-difference-between-caution-and-fear)

Psychological Fear vs. Ego Driven Fear

But Fear.  That is another animal within us.  It is the ego at it’s best.  It is like gasoline being thrown into a fire.  It ignites a larger flame, a more powerful fire.  It grows and grows beyond control.  It FEARS all.  But has no real substantiation to it’s growing climatic escalation.

“Whenever fear ceases to be real fear and becomes psychological, it becomes ego-driven fear. As the voice in the head gets going, it is prone to make a story out of the event, develop an attitude and opinion about it, and relive it in countless ways”. (Huff Post: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/our-shared-fears-and-how-_b_776720)

It need not be a real experience you have, it can simply be recreated in the ego-driven mind by hearing a story in the news or the latest community tragedy from a neighbor.  Exponentially expanding the experience into a fear, victimizing one’s self over and over again by repeatedly speaking of the event.

An example of this may be the roadside memorial of a person who died in a car crash. Recognizing each and every memorial. Awfulizing each memorial, each accident you learn of as if it was your next life event.

This takes on an entirely different meaning if this event was a friend’s tragedy or a tragedy of your own.  But here we are speaking of ego-driven thoughts that expand themselves simply by thriving on the fear.

This is a form of ‘terrorizing yourself with your thoughts’. Fear-based thoughts that have no place taking up space in your mind.

One has to make a decision to keep feeding the fearful thoughts and allowing them to grow, or to empower your positive thoughts and quiet the negative fearful thoughts.  (To learn how to quiet the fear visit this article by medium.com: https://medium.com/the-ascent/coping-with-fear-ab322e2d2654)

I Fear Not

I fear not the night at the barn.   Where only nature’s and domesticated creatures of the nightlife.  It brings me peace and calm and tranquility.  It offers hope and rejuvenation from the atrocities of the world and its people.  

It is not the night at the barn that is where the cautions are.  It is in the world. Where people roam, where politics dominate, where corporations exercise control for greed, where all the evil of the world lives, amongst the people and the city life.   

It is not the quiet unadulterated world of nature, in the country life, where there are things to fear. It is amongst the unpredictability of people and their agenda’s that make no sense. That is what to fear.  

For me, it is no competition, no question in my mind where it most safe in all this world.  It is in a quiet country life where my equines live in peace.  It is where nature’s agenda is nothing but clear and unobstructed by the mean, hateful, and judgmental doings of so many people.  

There is where there is no fear. For there are no people there. Only the animals that upon each day and night are happy to be a part of the night, in the country.  Where they too are safe from the evils of the world done by so many people.    

I fear not. 

The night at the barn is my friend. 

It is the people of the world I fear. 

#Egobasedfear #Fear #healthyfear #Fearnot #Psychologicalfear #Influenceoffearinmedia #Influencesoffear #Perceivedfears #Terrorizingthoughts

Dear Sister – Part I & Part II

Photograph -Sisters by Langll on PixabayPhoto by Langll (on Pixabay.com)

I want you to know that you mean the world to me and no matter our differences I would stand with a sword and dagger to protect you from any harm.  I would be there for you at a calls notice, if you were facing a life challenge that required loving support.  You are my only sibling and no matter what, that will always matter deeply to me.  Remember this. Feel it within your heart and soul and know that anything said or experienced beyond this truth, is merely the muddy waters that often complicate family relationships with a tainted history.  

It is my belief that relationships don’t work, don’t come together or have a mutual love for one another, because one of the people in the relationship do not have a desire to do the work that is required.  That work requires self-awareness & accountability. An honest, deep look into your internal life and how it affects you and those around you.  

This being said, I write this letter for myself.  To heal, to be able to disconnect (in what I hope is a loving way) from you.  This pains me deeply and I can feel the congestion of emotions that I have stifled far too long as I write this.

It is clear to me that I am not of importance to you. Our relationship is not a priority in your life. Much to my own denial, as I shuffle through the archive of memories, it never really has been.  Sure, there have been a few moments where you were there.  When my life was deeply troubled and I was inferior to you, then you were there briefly to support me.  

But as a whole picture, I recall far too many times when I stood alone.  I was bullied, triangulated by our mother, used, laughed at, criticized, verbally abused, and left alone on many occasions, with purposeful intent on your behalf.  These few distasteful actions were a few of many.  

I have made many attempts to reason with you.  To work through our differences.  To be accountable to one another and heal the wounds of our relationship.  I have invited you to counseling sessions.  I have written letters asking for what I need, stating how I feel and expressing what I felt from your ill actions, in a respectful way.  I even had professional counselors review every word of my letters to you, before sending them, to ensure that it made the point I was seeking to say, as well as be respectful. 

But most of all, and what I have come to realize, is the decades I have spent  pursuing  you. Longing for you to place our relationship as a priority in your life.  Longing to have that special sister bond, in time and in person, that I see so many families have.  I had this vision of how I wanted to have my sister in my life.  I envisioned this close sister bond, even as life drew us apart, in its normal life cycle’s.  But, it was my vision, it was not yours. 

Even though this came to my awareness on many occasions,  & I stopped the pursuit for me to be a part of your life. That awareness would slip away time and time again. The desire was far greater then the truth.  But, I was sadly reminded, it was only an illusion. It was only something I desired and it was a wasteful expenditure of my energy and time. 

This brought me deep sadness. For where am I without my sister. The only person in my life that I share an entire history of my life.  The only person that mimics a piece of who I am, a piece of who we are.  Despite how we share the same DNA, and we share the same upbringing. Thinking – being alike in so many ways, yet with those distinct differences that make us individuals.  

But it is the pain that brings me here today. It is the distance, avoidance, the lack of accountability on your part that effects me.  

Did you know that the only time you contact me, is when you need something?  Or when there is a social family gathering?  Did you know that I experience chronic criticism ongoing each and every time I see you?  Did you know that I experience  actions you chose each time you see me that is ridiculing, discounting & undermining the parts of my life that are my highest achievements. The things in my life I am most proud of.  Things that others see as noble, inspiring parts of my life.  

Did you know this is considered ‘bully’ behavior?  

It is only over time and with confidence, that I am able to stand up to you and say in a respectful way, to stop this bullying. Stop criticizing what is important to me.  Yet, you continue.  

I walk around you carefully, waiting for that next dig, that next insult, or put down.  Afraid to respond, afraid to hold you accountable for your actions, for I will hear your wrath bellow back at me in disrespectful ways. Often afraid to say anything, for you will easily disown me as your sister, and you will play the silent treatment for years.  I will be left out of the family gatherings. 

As I hear your justifications that it is my mistakes and how I harmed you. Or go on about what a horrible person I am.  Mistakes that happened decades ago. Mistakes, I have made my peace with. Mistakes I have been accountable to you and to others for.  Mistakes I have made my sincere apologies for.  

But, others do not hear that part. The story of my history is told by you.  A story that is not yours to tell!  You have no right to tell your friends, your kids, your husbands, your boyfriends and all others!  It is MY story to tell, and I never gave you permission to tell anybody that.  

I always wondered when I met your new boyfriends, why they treated me with such disrespect. Why they acted as if they hated me so much, and they didn’t even know me.  I then learned the vicious words that were being spread about me, by you, to everyone!  

Even though, I can reason through this.  I can understand that this is about you, this is not about me.  I have done my part to change myself, to make peace with my past, and to offer my apologies to those I have harmed, including you.  

It pains me deeply.  But know, I will work through it. I will come to peace with it. I will not love you any less for it. But, I also will not stop feeling because of it. 

It is through this journey that I have also seen how the betrayals, the abuse, the bullying have become a regular part of my life.  I continued to choose friends that were like the relationship I had with my sister.  Seeking the love and understanding from friends, that I lacked in a sister relationship.  

Photograph -Bullying by Geralt on PixabayPhoto by Geralt (Pixabay.com)

With each friend I chose, it was an illusion.  They were not true friends.  I mattered as much to them, as I do to you.  I meant nothing to you.  I meant nothing to these friends.  I didn’t matter. But you and they mattered deeply to me.  

Then I realized how I had been doing this to myself.  I had been pursuing those, like you, seeking what I desired from you. Putting those friendships as a priority in my life. They mattered as deeply to me as you matttered to me.  They were important to me and I took the time and energy to make sure they remained a part of my life.  

But, what I discovered, is I did not matter to them.  Just as I do not matter to you.  

I was not a priority in their life.  Just as I have not been a priority in your life. 

I was placing importance on relationships that had no desire to offer any reciprocation of that quality I so longed to have.  This of course, brought me great sorrow and caused much pain.  

When I realized that I had to walk away from these endless pursuits that offered no reciprocation of importance back to me, I found myself standing alone.  

Life long friendships, new friendships, old boyfriends, they all didn’t have a care in the world for me.  I was NEVER of importance to them at all. There was no loyalty.  There was no mutuality.

This deeply saddened me.  And I had to make some serious changes in my life.  I had to make ME as most important!  I had to value myself as much as I had valued you, as much as I had valued those friendships.  I could no longer pretend by pursuing those that continualy walked away. I had to pursue the love for myself, and place that as priority. Just as I had placed you (and many others) as a priority for so many years.  

Photograph -sad woman by darksouls1 on PixabayPhoto by Darksouls1 (on Pixabay.com)

You are my sister and always will be.  I will always love you deeply. But, I can no longer be a part of what creates your reality for you.  I must stand up for myself, no matter your wrath.  I must keep distance yet keep in tact a small strand of connection.  But not at my expense.  Not for your pleasure.  For me and only me.  I must come first!  Or else, it is only me that I can blame for being a part of this cyclic dysfunction.   

Photograph -love pen paper roses by susan-lu4esm on PixabayPhoto by Susan-lu4esm (on Pixabay.com)

_____________________________________________

Part II

History, of course, plays a deeper part here.  A history where choices were not possible, as young girls. As teenagers.  As young adult women.  

I have suffered deeply for that history.  For that darkness cloaked over me for so long.  So much suffering.  And it is I that suffered much deeper then you.  

I see how the deep dark secrets of our history have escaped your world.  Because it has been locked away, not to reveal itself to you.  And I see how your life choices all coincide in keeping that darkness locked up.  

Walking around as if the world is always happy and ok.  When it is not.  But that is how you keep it locked away.  For to reveal it, would change your world forever.  It would be unbearable pain and suffering.  The consequences would mark a wrath more consequential then any wrath you have bestowed upon me.

I understand that now. 

I was forced to open that dark world.  To unlock the door of evil and face it head on.  It was a matter of life and death for me. I could not avoid it.  I have paid deeply for that darkness, even in it’s revilement.  

You, my dear sister, have escaped it’s consequences.  There have been some struggles for you, no doubt.  I have seen the similarities between some of our struggles.  From work places to boyfriends and husbands, I have seen how you have not escaped it entirely. 

Photograph -fire escape by quinntheislander on PixabayPhoto by Quinntheislander (on Pixabay.com)

Yet, because of how tight that darkness is locked up and that awareness remains hidden away, you have been able to thrive.  To find happiness, love, friendships, financial success. To enjoy life, to be loved and admired by friends.  To travel the world. To enjoy the life you desired. To enjoy some of the riches of financial security. To know security. To know life as one should.  With a magnificently rewarding life, filled with love and respect. To enjoy it’s beauty in all that you place importance upon in your life.  To be able to smile, laugh, love & be loved, and more.   

Yet, for some reason, you continue the need to diminish my worth in every way possible.  To bellow what a dreadful person I am.  How nothing I do that is important to me, is any kind of an accomplishment, but rather just a poor decision.  

I see you stand behind this so called religious sanction. Bellowing back at me how I am going to hell because I do not believe what you believe.  From a metaphysical mind to a rigid, religious person, I have seen you become.  As you sit upon your all mighty throne, speaking to me (and others), of how my choices are far inferior to yours.  

Distasteful as this is to me, I never speak a bad word of what your choices are.  I support your need to have a God in your life. That is what is important to you and I acknowledge that.

But, I know the truth behind some of these actions.  These choices in your life. That awareness can never be your reality.  For, if you were to really take a wide view at your inner world, that would require much more then making judgements of me.  Criticizing and bullying would not be a part of this sisterhood we share.  It would require a self awareness I beleive you have never really fully viewed.  

For, if you do, it will unveil that deeply locked away secret.  The secret that your reoccurring dreams tell you.  To NEVER, EVER open the locked door. For behind it lurks something very evil.  

Photograph -by.Cocoparisienne on PixabayPhoto by Cocoparisienne (on Pixabay.com)

It is true my dear sister. And I agree.  Keep it locked away.  Keep it far from your reality.  Never unlock it.  

Unfortunately, because of that, it comes out in sideways effects.  As I experience your behavior of superior thinking and coping skills with your religious ways.  Blame has become an escape for you.  As well as placing me in an inferior position is one of many coping mechanisms, in your world.  For then one never has to look at the reality of it all.  

It is me that has suffered in ways you did not have to, because your secret remains locked away.   The consequences of having to face all of that history, I have suffered deeply for.  In more ways then you could possibly comprehend.  In ways, that you are not even aware of.  

So, keep this in mind.  I have been your fall person.  I took the outrage of this evil, so you didn’t have to.  I have been your shield and that is what has allowed you all the gifts of life you have received.  

But, as your religious world says.  “One never is given what one cannot handle.”  And I am this incredibly determined person. Often described by others, through my years of life, as the “strongest person I know”.  

My descent out of the hell of darkness has been a journey that is my story. And one day I may even share that story in its entirety.  It has made me who I am today. Each piece of it.  

It has taught me many lessons.  But the greatest lesson of all, is to place value on myself.  To love myself fully.  That my life is as important an any other.  I too offer value to this world. My life does matter.  Not because someone else says so, or doesn’t say so. I matter, because my life too has value.  

So, keep that dark secret locked away and live your life to the fullest. But know that your life does not have the value it has, without me suffering the burden of that dark, evil secret.  

From your religious world you find peace. And that is fine. Each person must find a way to find peace in their world. But know this. It was not christ that was nailed to the cross and died for the sins of others, in our world.  It was I for you.

Photograph -person on cross words by Johnhain on PixabayPhoto by Johnhain (on Pixabay.com) 

I am the reason you have been able to live the life you live.  To enjoy all you have enjoyed.  

And in my world, that means my life has great value.  

Love always,

Your Sister

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright October 21, 2018

All Rights Reserved

Have the Courage to Start Again!

Graphic -Peacock Pet Cafe FB cover photoHello Pink Elephant Followers (and to all who spark an interest)!

It’s been awhile since I have been over here to read everyone’s blogs. I haven’t been writing blog posts here and I have been missing it.

I am now following my biggest passion and dreams.  Natural health for pets, with a special interest in the area of CBD oil and Essential oils.

It has been my dream for many years to have a business that offers natural remedies for people with pets.  To educate others on the alternative choices of caring for your pet in a natural way.  To understand that natural care offers your pet a quality of life, as well as longevity.

I am all about saving money, and healing using nature’s way. Trusting that when the body gets the tools it needs, it will heal itself.

I have been practicing natural health with my pets for 17 yrs.  Until the passion grew so huge, it naturally evolved to teaching others what I have learned.

Graphic -Essential Oils for Pets and Their People FB cover

I had started an essential oils (Essential Oils for Pets & Their People) business several years back and it was moving forward and doing well.  Then the company I was a distributor for was hit by the FDA.  I was one of the first to get notice, I had to change my posts or shut it down. It was impossible to delete or change hundreds of posts in such a short period of time. After over 2 yrs. of building a business, everything had to be shut down.  My blogs, my FB page and all social media, my website, etc.  Everything GONE…just like that!

I was devastated!  But, I eventually let it go and moved on.  Everything I had worked for was gone, but the calling to do what I love did not stop. You know that inner calling that won’t rest till you pursue it?  Because it is a part of who you are, it is what you are here to do. You must follow your passion, your heart, your soul!

Art -byhatakeyondaime (devatated)

*This beautiful watercoloring is by hatakeyondaime – Link to this artist: 

https://www.deviantart.com/hatakeyondaime/art/Devastated-413130942

I had to think how I could start again.  How could I approach this, when I was SO limited on what I could say about the oils. I was frozen in fear to start again. For years I wasn’t sure how to get started again. I made some attempts, but fear often won it over.   I had to get the courage to start again, even if it failed, it was better then not pursuing my passion.  So, I started again.

I don’t have it all figured out and it is MUCH harder this second time around.  Being a solopreneur is HARD work.  Working several different jobs, caring for my animal family of 6 (2 horses, 4 cats, all rescues), managing a household, and doing all that a new business requires!  It can be a bit overwhelming!

For me, it was not a choice. No matter how hard it was, I had to go after it.  It was better then sitting at a 9-5 job, with a idiot boss, and toxic co-workers!  Being in a regular job would be as final as death itself.  I couldn’t bare to think of it!

So, here I am, going for it….again!

This blog just might become one about starting a business of your dreams!  Following all the challenges and ups and downs of being an entrepreneur.

For now, I hope that it inspires you to pursue what sits in your heart. Follow that intutition I have spoke about in my Pink Elephants blog posts.  Just quiet that noise around you, and do what comes to you.  No logic, no thinking about, just follow it.  As you listen more, that inner voice will become clearer and clearer.

Image -intuition quote by Albert Einstein

I hope that you will come over and visit my FB page, and my website. Especially, if you have pets!  If you like what you see or hear, go ahead and follow my page. I would be so pleased to have some of my Pink Elephant crowd join me on my newest journey!

FB Page:  The Peacock Pet Cafe

Website:  www.peacockpetcafe.com

Hope all is well with everyone!  Missed you all!

Cheers to you following your dreams!

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright  August 22, 2018

All Rights Reserved

 

Being Yourself Makes The Greatest Impact

Graphic -Being Yourself

I had stopped into Pet Supplies last night to pick up some cat litter for my house kitties.  Walked over to the aisle and began reading the many prices and sales that were displayed for cat litter. As I was shopping, trying to make a decision, a young woman (employee) walked up to me and asked me if I was finding everything ok.  I sighed. Groaned. Finally my words rolled off my tongue.  “I am just trying to make a decision”.  She said, “Can I help you with that?”.  At first, I was thinking, yes you can help, by just going away and leave me to get this done.  Then I stopped, and my thoughts shifted. 

My week and day had been yet another challenging one and over filled with too much activity. It was the last day of the week, I was on call at my driving job, and I was running weary.  

I got up from my crouched position near the floor, and said, “Yes, you can help!” “Where are all the litter bags or boxes that are on sale?” “Do you have any of those in stock?” 

“We don’t”, she said. “Some lady came in and bought them all up”.  It was about 5 shelves of different litter, all gone, all on sale.  “Bought them all up!?”, I asked her.  A young man at the end of the aisle way was stocking and said something to the young woman (which I didn’t hear) that was helping me . She repeated it to me. “She had 8 cats”, another woman who also worked there, was joining the conversation.  “8 cats, that’s allot of cats!”, I said. “Probably a rescue”, I said.  The two women nodded their heads. The other woman disappeared into the back room, and the young courteous woman stood near, determined to help me come to a decision. 

 “8 cats, ok, well, I have 4 cats, so I guess I can’t say too much about her having 8 cats!”, as I chuckled at my on awareness.  Chattering on,…..“2 house cats, 2 barn cats,”, I said, “Course I didn’t want those  barn cats. “They just show up at my barn”, I said. 

Starving to talk to someone and enjoying this young woman and how helpful and kind she was, I began to tell her the story of Kichi and then Mr. Mustache.

I just got a new cat, that I did not want, I told her.  He showed up at the barn one day, and I did not feed him for 2 days. I was hoping he would go find another barn. He was very friendly but was very skinny. When I laid my hand on his body, I could clearly feel every detail of his rib and his spine. 

I am single, I don’t need or want another mouth to feed. I’m struggling as it is!  I need someone to rescue me, not rescue yet another cat! I laughed at my predicament. She laughed along with me.

Then I said to her, “Find a man and get married!”. “And make sure he has money!”  And if you love him too, then great!”  “But find someone who has money, you DO NOT want to be single!”  I laughed, and then my face became stern and solemn. I looked directly at her.  “I am serious”, I said. She said, “Oh I know, my dad tells me the same thing”.  “Really!”, I said.  “Well listen to your dad!”.  We laughed it off and then I went on to tell my story of Mr. Mustache. 

2 days passed, in my hopes he would go to another farm.  Then my whole body slumped, and softened in demeanor.  “But I couldn’t do it”. “I couldn’t turn him away and he became mine”.  

But, it didn’t stop there, I told her.  For he was a male and needed to be neutered.  I told her that is the first thing I plan for, as I had done with my other barn kitty.  I get them neutered or spayed.  “No more kittens”, I bellowed at her.  She smiled and agreed with me.  Listening intently with her body moving to each language my own body spoke. From the emotional expressions of weary, to the frustrated, to the kind hearted. She just had this great energy about her, I couldn’t resist.  

I continued on to tell her he needed to be neutered, and I really didn’t have the money for another cat. But, there he was, I had taken him on, and he was just irresistibly cute. I said, “they choose us, these cats that come from who knows where”.  My other barn cat was probably dumped, and I believe she was a housecat, before she was a barn cat. She too just showed up one day in the barn. She wasn’t as starving as Mr. Mustache was, and she had no issues, plus when I took her in to be spayed, she had already been spayed.  Her heart sank, as I told her how they had probably been dumped. I told her, that most farms take on cats that just show up one day. They choose the people and the farm, whether feral or friendly. The young woman’s face lit up with delight, as she heard of the stories of my barn cats and the lives on a farm. 

I began to wrap up the story, as I felt I had taken up enough of her time and I had to move onto the next duty of the night.  “Do you want to hear the best part of the story?”, I said.  I told the story of Mr. Mustache on my FBook page, and the struggles I had taking care of yet another cat.  I just did not have the money to do it all.  And I had to have him neutered, soon! So, two people from my FBook page donated the money so that I could get him neutered.  “Isn’t that awesome!”, I said, “They did?!”, she said. “That is so wonderful!” “You don’t know how much that means to me!” “It restores my faith in humanity”.  “I know”, I said.  She put her hand to her chest, and she almost shed a tear of joy, by the story of Mr. Mustache. “That means so much to me”, she said. “You don’t know how much that meant to me”, she said. “Especially today and how the world is today”.  I said, “I know”.  “I am so glad the story of Mr. Mustache helped you!”.  Now you can tell others on your FBook page all about a woman who came into the store and told you of the story of her barn cat, Mr. Mustache.  She smiled and offered to carry my cat litter I just purchased, to my car.  

The impact of one cat, Mr. Mustache upon my world, my Fbook world and the world of this young woman.  

But, in the moments following this simple exchange of conversation with this young woman, and the story of Mr. Mustache, I realized, it is not the # of followers I have, or how many people I know in the society of life, it is the impact I make in the world around me.  It is just being myself that I make that impact.  And with no expectations of what I should or should not be doing, as I ran a simple errand, I was able to be myself, and tell the story of being myself. All from a cat that chose me, simply because I am who I am.  And in this story of Mr. Mustache I realized that is when life is at it’s best. When I am just being me, doing what I do, with no expectations of the moments.  Living life, as I live it, being me. 

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright Feb. 24, 2018

All Rights Reserved

 

Let Love Prevail!

Image -Faith Hope Love

My senior cat (Lexi) is partially blind and deaf, in addition to having Vestibular disease (similar to Vertigo in people), where balance is a problem. She lost her long time cat companion (Thea) of 16 years, nearing 2 yrs. ago.

After Thea passed on, Lexi became extremely needy and dependent. She cried for hours and hours, while I was home and when I was gone, and through the night as I slept not far from her. I did all I could to comfort her, but the crying continued. I thought perhaps after some time had passed she would improve, but she continued to cry no matter my efforts to comfort her.

A year and a half passed, and the crying continued. I decided to get a new kitten, in hopes that it would somehow comfort Lexi, and be a solution to her crying.

The kitten arrived and Lexi was not very accepting of the new kitten, but the crying stopped.

Lexi’s home is a smaller apartment that allows enough space for wandering, or enough space where I can disappear out of her sight, and she will cry wondering where I have gone. I come to her field of vision, to let her know I am here, still by her side. For, I can only imagine, how scary it must be to her to live in her world where she exists in near silence, and where her vision is limited. For over 17 years she has been my companion, and I hers.

Even though I have done my best to comfort her in her crying days and nights since her companion passed, it was not till this week, that I truly understood the loneliness and devastation she must feel, when I am all she has left in this world.

She lives in this silent world, with not being able to see me at all times, she cries out, unknowing where I am, awaiting for me to return to her side. Despite the limitations of her world and her not knowing where I might be, or if I will return, she lives a life of consistent routine, her only true security.

With this experience one might realize there is a quiet understanding that there is nothing visible or audible to be known of one’s future, there is only one thing left, the inner knowing of faith.

As Lexi cries out to me, in fear she has been left, amongst the blindness and in her silent world, I wonder how many others of this world are left in the seclusion from others, and there is no one to answer their call. How many oI those truly understood the fear she must feel, each time I disappear out of her sight. For she has no understanding of faith. I am all she knows.

So, I stand now, sometimes recognizing a world that does not always answer our cries. Yet, if I can not walk away with anything else, I can know that I was there to answer many calls of those that called in distress.

For in the end, all we have is what we have done to make this world a better place for others, and ourselves, along with the memories of those moments. Whether they are humans or the animals that grace us with their presence upon our journey here.

We can offer light to those in darkness, and open our hearts to listen to those who have had silence in their world. Whose cries have been left unheard.

Create a world for others, and yourself, where the light shines in. Where hope thrives, faith lives, inner strength perseveres and love prevails!

*faith | fāTH | noun1 –complete trust or confidence in someone or something:

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright Jan, 14, 2018

All Rights Reserved

Winter’s Night

Image -moonlight in winter

In the cold of a winter’s night (11 degrees and falling last night), I arrived at the barn.

Dressed like a mountain man from head to toe. My boots crunched against the worn snow path to the barn. The kitties came out to greet me, stretching from being nestled in their warm beds.

I went at a slower, more relaxed pace to feed, finally being able to enjoy the company of my equine friends. Unhurried with the usual busyness of life and work.

It was time to get back in routine with Maya again, working on her Parelli games and circles. It was so incredibly quiet. Not a noise could be heard. The dead cold of winter echoed it’s name back to me, on this moonlite night.

Maya and I retrieved to the corner of the front paddock, where footing was by chance, still in good standing, for some circles at a trot. I was calm and I could feel likeness from Maya of this energy I had.

We played our Parelli games and did some circles, and she was just as quiet about my asking, as the night around us.

I then let out Jay, and we all walked across the untouched fallen snow in the front pasture. Maya willingly followed me and I encouraged and praised her with her forward movement.

The moonlight, so beautifully, offered light to our walk. The snow easily moved upon each footstep we took onto the earth’s bounty of goodness.

Across and around the front pasture we trekked. Maya and I leading the way, Jay following in our footsteps. All went so well, I took it further and went to the back pasture. The three of us creating a new path upon the freshly fallen snow. The moon lit up the entire pasture, as if the light of an angel had gleamed it’s beauty across this small patch of nature.

Upon the moonlit night, myself and my equines enjoyed the quiet company of each other, not a thought of it’s cold, but in awe of it’s beauty.

Copyright December 31, 2017

By Diana Wanamaker

All Rights Reserved

Into the New Year

Image -happy new year #2

Here we leap out of one year into another!

May the blessings of this year follow you into the next!
But most importantly of all, we are still here, alive and in this moment, ready to capture and experience the next!
For this, we give thanks, for tomorrow is not promised.

Happy New Year and well wishes to all of you!!

Most of all thank you to my followers!

Diana Wanamaker

The Soulful Answers to our Healing Journey

Image -scenary light thru tunnel of trees

What is amazing about the restorative flights of the healing journey, is what unfolds  in the discovery about oneself.

What can be incredible about beginning a healing journey, is how one discovery leads to another discovery. How those discoveries of attraction can so gently guide you towards a path, to offering a life that is of more light and less darkness.

Be amazed of it’s wonder, how things that you are attracted to, things that were just soulfully known within you, were actually leading you to this healing place (or person).

It seems we can become so busy with the work of ‘attracting’ goodness and light into our world, that we can forget to stop and look at what information is coming in, to answer that very request of attraction we originally were seeking.

Treading along on the busy round-about, there can be so much information coming in, too fast, a person can become confused on what is what. It is only in the quiet moments of our week, when that busy treadmill stops, that it becomes more clear what has come from our spirit and angel guides.

In this quiet momment of our week, discover there are several things throughout the previous years and months that were actually leading us to that point of discovery. That point that was there to answer the unanswered questions. The beginning of the solution.

It is all to easy to push them away, get confused, get overwhelmed, get stressed, go into survival mode, and those angelic answers become lost in the muddle of a minds thoughts.

They are persistent and continue to appear and when it finally becomes an awareness to us, it is like watching a flower unfold, it’s beautifully colored petals open and reach out for the warmth of the sun.

Recognize these moments, realize you are not alone, you never were alone. You are being guided all the while. Your questions were not disdainfully ignored, it is just  a matter to quiet oneself long enough to listen.

Although, it seems answers are not always a BAM, here it is, it is more like a soft, gentle ride to the solution. Too much, too fast for those big expeditions of life’s answers, would be like eating ice cream too fast.

Pay attention to that what you are attracted to. Those attractions that come calling to your spirit again and again. Spend less time and energy trying to ‘do’ all the laws of attraction and pay more attention to what is already in place. The soulful answers from the guides that are already there by your side, brings you closer to your hearts yearnings.

By Diana Wanamaker

Nov. 19, 2016

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