Internal Bliss

Image -rocking chairs on porch

By Diana Wanamaker

I dream of one day going away. Disappearing with no footprint’s left behind. Starting all over again. Meeting new people who know me for who I really am and who I am today, not of yesterday’s past. I dream of being around people who appreciate me for who I am, not who they want to shape me into being, and not what I can do for them. A place where people are kind, loving supportive and accepting. Tales may be told of yesterday’s past, but life is lived presently in the joy of the moment and the great promise of a bright future. Creating a whole new life with new friends and surrounding myself around people who are like family and accept me as that forever. A life where love wins over all. Relationships that are seen in 3D, not with the distance of computer’s and busy life styles. A time where fun is in abundance and I am adored by those all around me.
As I travel to find this place of bliss, I leave a footprint that is forever missed in the heart’s of those I encountered. People see me thru the light of a new day, and not of the darkness that once shadowed my world.
Oh, how nice it would be to escape all that around me and start again.

I have created this life before me by surrounding myself with people who needed help. I was there to offer my help, my support, my love and all they needed time and time again. I loved them as if they were my family, comforted them, as if they were one with me. I dreamed of them being with me forever. Sitting side by side in the quiet of the countryside, rocking away in our rockers, with our animals at our feet. In contentment we rocked. In peace we enjoyed each other’s company.
I envisioned a world where favors and support I offered to other’s would be returned when I was in need. I pictured the tug and tow of a boat alongside it’s dock. At times it pulled it’s rope tautly, and other times it came in close to relieve the tug on the ropes of it’s tied position. The waves rock it ever gently. Other times storms prevail and the nook of the dock and shore keep it safe and from harm.
As the years roll on and changes come about, I realize that I have surrounded myself with the ever daunting task of wanting to be loved and accepted by others, by giving and doing to other’s, time and time again. Only to come to this cul-de-sac in life to realize that I have been giving to so many who are not capable of giving in return. When life surge’s ahead, I have longed to have someone there to stand by my side, only to find that many I have chosen are friends that only arise during the sunshine of today. I dragged out this cycle of giving, seeking the return of love and support from other’s. Only do I find that I stand alone, with no one by my side, no friends to speak of, no one that cries out in acknowledgement of who I am or where have I gone, if I disappear. Soliciting for love and support, I only realized it is not all around that I must search for it, but it is within that I need to find it.

Copyright Sept. 2015. All Rights Reserved

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