By Diana Wanamaker
About a year ago I started a ritual of writing any worry I had that seemed to place power over my world and put it in a box. A box that meant something special to me and represented something happy. I would ask question’s of what seemed impossible doom. There was one question that had been weighing heavy on my mind for a long time. It’s unwelcome arrival would likely offer more then I could overcome. It would change my life as I know it. All would be lost. Survival would be unbearable. These are facts of such a tragedy. No matter how I imagined myself in this tragedy, it never could offer much hope for a life of any kind.
I fought and fought every way imaginable to prevent this tragedy from happening, but no matter how much I did, no matter how many solutions I came up with, the result was the same. Inevitable doom. I couldn’t just accept it, I had to take action to prevent this. I must! Everything that was important to me was at stake. I fought for years to make changes, but no matter my solution, it was never good enough, the doom would still arrive.
Each time this worry or any worry like it came to my mind, I wrote it down and put it in the box. Each time giving it less power. It was months later that I came to the point where I realized there are no answers to this inevitable doom. I must give in.
I became weary, tired, exhausted and hopeless over the forthcoming fate. So, then I just began to picture myself in this unfortunate doom. I pictured myself somehow surviving. I pictured myself living it. By allowing it’s presence I found some peace. I found some quiet to the overwhelming power of this inevitable doom. It became less and less noisy in my mind.
Then came the acceptance. I came to realize not all the answer’s of ‘why’ would come now, maybe never. I could ask, but to put it out there without an answer was crucial. No matter the little power I had over the future I better live the best life I know how today, for tomorrow may not bring another day like it. I accepted this inevitable doom as my fate in life. There was nothing more I could do to prevent it and there was little I could do to prepare for it. With that, I took away it’s power, I took away it’s strangle hold on me.
Then began the glory of faith for most days, instead of the darkness of doom. I was no longer hanging on the edge of the cliff waiting to be dropped to the bottom. I allowed my days to be taken by the sweet wings of faith. To have it’s miraculous world of wonder safely place me on the ground, balanced again.
Then, to my surprise came an answer. I had started by placing the concerns of tomorrow on a card and released it the confines of the worry box. The worries of yesterday had cultivated an answer by the mere release of acceptance. A solution gently arrived. One that me nor any brilliant person would have imagined or thought of. That is the promise of faith. It delivers, but how and when, one never can tell, no matter the brilliance of an imaginative or logical mind. Today a solution was brought to my world and whisked away the doom that has been haunting my world for years of agony. Just by standing aside and letting go with a little acceptance I allowed faith to be my fate.
Copyright April 2015. All Rights Reserved