March 30, 2014
I had a week that was….well let’s just say it was a week where old tunes played, scars reopened, shame glittered, judgements ran deep and hurt trumpeted. The harsh and judgmental words of others. Touching the most sensitive areas of my life, where wounds are easily opened and salt pouring on them offers memories past, to reveal themselves once again.
I called my mother to speak with her and once again she was there with a kind, listening ear and in her compassion I heard not only how cruel these people were, but how I need to be more kind to myself. Some things I work on changing with little to no success and I judge myself very harshly for those failures. But, as my mother reminded me, stop comparing yourself to others, stop and reward yourself for what you do accomplish. You are a fighter like no other I have seen Diana, and that is one thing other’s cannot always say of themselves, or see within you. Yes, what those people say or do to hurt you is wrong, terribly wrong and hurtful.
With her words and validation I realized they don’t know my story, No One person knows my entire story. No-one!! Only I know what I have done to change my situations and how I have overcome challenges that outreach any ordinary story.
So, as I went thru the day emotionally numb, I sought out tools that offered comfort to my soul, so I can replenish my spirit once again. I turned to a book that I keep out at all times and read pieces in it often, “Great Failures of the Extremely Successful”. It has become the one constant book of reference in my life that I believe all is possible!
In there it said things like;
“There was much shame attached to failure that I couldn’t see anything as a learning experience.”
“When things aren’t going so well, there’s not much left for self-love. When your not performing well, you view of yourself is very fragile.”
“I felt like everything I did was a tremendous mistake. I felt like I had nothing left.”
“We’re human beings, after all, it does matter what others think. This is about the looking at the critical voice inside of you. Invariably. It’s a shaming message that’s been hammered into you. When the outside world validates that shaming message, you think it’s right because this is the real world.”
“Failure is the only way to learn to do anything!”
By Dennis Palumbo -Successful screen writer, to career transitions, to Therapist.
So, one day, when I have reached the success I believe is possible, and I have done it on my terms, I will then tell my story, in hopes it will offer comfort and hope to those who have felt the judgements and harshness of others. In hopes it will validate their existence and they will see themselves in the light of love where every person is valued and every person has something to offer, no matter the judgements of others, no matter their failures or non-conformity of the worlds perfect view of how people should be.
So, I take the lessons of this hurt and this week and work thru the hurt and the shame and pray that I overcome it and not collapse and become one of those too many who have become their own hurt and lost their humility.
Because there are two kinds of people in this world, those that become their hurt and hurt others, or they overcome and understand the greater joys of compassion and love and kindness to others, despite the hurt that has so harshly and unfairly been bestowed upon them.
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