There have been countless times I have written letters to quiet the unfinished business of relationships and life. To friends, to family, to my abusers, to my boss, to the people who opted to purposefully cause harm to me with no regrets, to the animals I miss, to all the anger, disappointment, shame, guilt and last but not least, all the gratitude surrounding this journey we call life.
Keep in mind these are letters that are not sent, these are letters to clear the consciousness. Letters that clear the negative energies of emotions that so often become bottled in a world that demands only a friendly smile and a positive thought.
This is a tool to release all that is holding back the true inner beauty of all I am and all I can become. There are no rules, no holding back in these letters. Just let it all out! As each word is written, more clarity comes. Arriving at a more peaceful place will come closer.
Some letters need to be written over and over again and there may never be complete resolve, for the damage runs too deep, for too long. However, it is possible to come to a place where it no longer runs your life. If it raises it’s ugly head again, then it is time to revisit it, by releasing the built up of emotions. A call to write another letter comes.
Some letters I have written I have every intention of sending, BUT only when it comes to that place of respect and understanding. Speaking in a voice that takes responsibility for my part. A voice that can respectfully speak of the hurt and ask for what I need. The general rule of communication (and there are many rules that most people never practice) is to ‘state how you feel’, and ‘ask for what you need’. Speaking in the “I”, not in the accustory tone of “YOU”. No, you cannot say, “I think YOU are an Idiot”. What you can say is, “When you _______, I feel ____________.
Sometimes it takes many letters I don’t send, to come to the one letter that I can send.
This does not mean that writing a letter that is sent to that person will illicit a response, or that this person will change, or that it will resolve all that remains unsettled business between the two of you. But what it does do is unleash bottled up emotions that can become festered within. It also honors who you are and what your needs are. It helps you recognize what is needed to live your absolute optimal life.
It takes two people to create and maintain a relationship. When one person is putting forth the majority of the effort and the other person pays no attention to the needs of the other, then there will at some point be a breaking point. Writing letters (whether you send them or not), can help you come to such conclusions about the relationshipis in your life.
There is a book called “Unwritten Letters – Letter Writing as a Way to Resolve the Unfinished Business of Your Life”, written by Ilene Segalove. Here are a few examples from her book, to help you get started on some unwritten letters.
You broke my heart ________________
I am deeply saddened that this isn’t working out, but___________________
Help me understand why I continue to sabatoge myself_________________
You piss me off___________________________
Goddamn you for your cruel behavior______________
Can you find it in your heart to__________________
Can we give it another chance__________________
I am so grateful for_______________
I am sorry______________
Create a laundry list of all those that you need to write your letters too. It can be friends, old boyfriends, an ex boss, a current boss, a stranger, an acquaintance, husbands, family members, to your pets that you lost and to those you currently have in your life. It can be letters to the injustice’s of life, to the overwhelming harm that others cause to the world. There is no end to all that can be written.
Unleash all that ails you by placing your pen to paper, or typing all that the words inside call out to say! If nothing at all, it will release bottled up emotions that so often become toxic releases.
Free yourself! Feel the freedom! Experience the clarity. Discover the inner consciousness that unknowingly guides you. Honor yourself! Discover changes you need to make. Understand what role you partake in your life’s experiences! Live life more fully! Let it be one of life’s most valuable tools!
By Diana Wanamaker
Copyright May 25, 2016. All Rights Reserved