Life Lessons -Going from Worst to Best

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Within our greatest sorrow and pain comes our greatest wisdom.  With it comes the bursts of creative ideas and the closest belief of who we are. The words flow across the paper as if a birth of life has begun.

It is through those experiences of hopelessness we find a great hope and feel the wings so carefully lifting us back into the world..to our destiny….to live the life through our own individualized creativity.

Our exclamation exceeds our human condition.

The peace and serenity we seek is not something we can own or capture, but to be enjoyed and savored when present in the moment.

Some of my greatest lessons and most spiritual callings have been in my darkest moments.  Sure, getting thru those moments of pain and misery can be overwhelming. All darkness calls out to you to give up. The negative voice in your head  screams out to you so much you finally scream back, “Shut Up” !!!  Walking thru the days and nights is merely walking through the motions.  Eventually coming to a point of an inner calmness where your external world does not affect you.  It is as if you are in the eye of a tornado.  Unaffected by life as it whirls at you, for nothing is greater then the pain you suffer.

Then the light begins to seep in.  There is some clarity to the whole picture.  As you begin to step out of it, the lessons of this experience call to you louder than any scream of negativity could imagine.  It begins to make sense.  The recognition of what originally caused such pain is still showing it’s presence.  Acknowledge it for what it was.  For no longer does it carry its weight as you begin to imerge from it’s hold.

New clarity comes and life looks fresher and brighter all around.  Decisions are made.  This experience becomes a story to tell, for it ends in the all knowing of what misery looks like and you are strong, once again, to come out of it shining as bright as the daylights sunrise!

Having experienced the worst of life time and time again, as if there was an invisible neon sign flashing to attract all those that only live on the most evil side of life.  There are few things I haven’t experienced when it comes to pain and misery. It has been a life long companion.  From childhood thru the teen years, into early adulthood, on thru to middle age, and beyond. I can’t say that I handled it all gracefully, or that I didn’t want to give up, but I always get back out there and try, try again.

The challanges I have been faced with have been beyond the average person (clearly I am not alone on this path). Abuse has littered my life since early childhood.  It left it’s imprinted path without me having any say in it at all. Just as prerequisites prepare you for the next class, my prerequisites precluded a life that I never imagined I would forever be challanged with.  The people I work with, family, friends (near, far, close or casual), the men in my life to even a casual encounter of just moments in time would leave me with more then enough stories of misery and pain.  Each experience left it’s scars. Each experience broke me to what felt like I could never return.  Each demeaning what little value I have, or what little value I had to even offer.

However, with each passing experience that I overcame, came the light of all graciousness and fresh perspectives.

In these moments of lessons learned, of clarity, of bright lights and goodness surrounding, I began to record it.  Remembering it, so as to begin to recreate the next experience, from the lessons learned.

Here are lessons I have learned along the way, I thought I might pass on, possibly providing some wisdom, perhaps shaping a better experience upon your next visit of pain and misery.

  1. Know that this too shall pass. Ride out the storm, learning to nuture and care for yourself with even more attentiveness, as if you were a child of your own.
  2. Life will balance out again.  Remind yourself of all the times you have survived previous not so pleasant experiences. Acknowledge your strengths. This one too you will survive.
  3. Take what you have learned. Write it down. Create solutions. Apply it to your life. You may not get it on the second or even the third try, but each time you will get closer and closer to the ideal result.  Make the changes needed to avoid such misery again.  Charge ahead like the fearless person you are! Just do it!  Never allowing the experience to captivate your spirit within!  Let it be the guide to a life you always wanted!

As a horse woman who provides for my horses, this includes boarding. It was always my dream to have a farm of my own, but that has yet to come to fruition.  Boarding for the past 15 yrs., unexpectedly, left me with many undesirable experiences. Boarding situations that were abusive & neglectful to my horses and to me.  For years I handled it very diplomatically. It didn’t help much.  Each approach I took ended in a negative result and I found myself hunting again for another barn.

Quickly it became clear that I needed to be more careful in my choices. Since the comfort of my horses and their needs came first, I began to make a list.  After each barn situation I evaluated what I could have done differently and applied it to the next barn situation.  After each barn that didn’t offer the needs of my horse, I created a list of all things needed for my horse, in the next barn.  My list became more and more thorough of the things that were needed to create this happy barn situation.  It evolved over the years into me only doing self-care only boarding, to finally meeting my dream barn. Renting an empty barn of my own!  Barn heaven arrived!  My horses and I have never been happier!

4. Never, never, never give up!  Take some down time.  Put things on hold. Don’t make any major decisions during a time of turmoil and pain.  Emotional decisions rarely make life sticking plans.  Rest.  Shout. Write.  Do whatever you need that makes you feel good (without harming others or yourself of course), to help you get thru the moment.  Get out your toolbox of coping strategies and use as many as you need to get you thru it.  Taking a break, stepping away, or putting things on hold is NOT giving up.  It is merely getting things back into balance again.  Then, when ready, get back on the horse and go!!  Maybe in baby steps.  Maybe one step forward, two steps back, but forward motion is getting back in there and never giving up!

5. Realize working through pain and misery takes time!  Depending on what has come unwelcomed across your path, it can take days to years.  Allow yourself what is needed. If you’re working through it, you will get there, in your time.

6. Support, support, support!  Find someone that can be there for you through those times of pain.  If you have no one, then join a support group (offline or online).  See a counselor.  Be your own counselor.  Call an 800# support line. Ask a friend, explaining the support you need. Sometimes asking can illicit the most unlikely of support persons.  Read a book, or a blog about those that are going thru what you are.  That alone can offer a sense of unity. Even though we know there are others out there that suffer our pain, being able to hear their stories connects us.  Feeling connected dissapates the often lonely feeling we can get when suffering.

7. Never Give Up!  Yes, this needs to be said again!

8. Never let the event that has caused such suffering become who you are.  Never let them take your heart! Toxic emotions can become your reality.  This too can be a part of healing. Never let yourself become what was done to you.  By allowing the pain to take hold of you to the point of where you become the very person (or situation) who inflicted the pain, then they have won. Negativity prevails. Injustice wins.

There is a true story of a man they call,”machine gun preacher”, Sam Childers, a former drug addict and gang biker turned preacher and defender of South Sudannese orphans.

During his quest to save children from the ruins of war, he returns home disgruntled and exasperated about the lack of money for the project. Meanwhile his friend Donnie dies, this pushes him further into negativity. He sells his business and boards a plane for Sudan.

His faith and mission revitalises when an orphan boy shares his personal story. The boy speaks of how they killed his father, and that if he did not kill his mother, they would kill his brother. The boy killed his mother.  The boy tells if Sam allows hatred to fester in heart, his fight against injustice fails. Sam rekindles his emotional attachment with his family over phone. Next day he involves himself with the camp actively. Later he goes out and rescues a caravan full of children kidnapped.” (Wikepedia & biography from movie)

This is the turning point in all pain and suffering. One must take a closer look at oneself and how they are contributing to their own pain. Make peace with the pain and those that inflicted it upon you. Become a person who uses your heart as a guide, or lay down to the darker side and become the type of person who caused you so much pain and suffering.  It is a choice. Make it wisely.

Copyright May 28, 2016. All Rights Reserved

 

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