I can’t sleep I have been going thru old pictures, kind of cleaning house, physically and mentally and was thinking about when you mentioned amends to me. I realized you were right. I do owe you an amends. I realize now how much effort you put into our relationship, your role as a ________, your self-improvement/development work in several areas of your life. There were times, probably -no- not probably -definitely times I was judgmental of you and your life history. I was critical of your efforts and unsupportive of your feelings. I detached and withdrew emotionally, acted out towards you and hurt you. I am sorry!
I was not there when _________passed away last week. That must have been so difficult. I know how much you loved him and how alone and scared you must of felt.
I see what a burden I was financially at times and how frustrating that must have been. You were very open and generous. I did not appreciate that like I should have.
You offered help and I did not take it at other times. I mean emotional support, caring and understanding support. My ego, pride and self centeredness did not allow you to experience the joy of giving, or helping another person. That is one of the joy’s of life and redeveloping ourselves, healing our past and starting fresh again. The joy of giving, helping another person. There were times when I did not allow you that. I was full of self.
I am sure there are ways and times I hurt your feelings and did not validate and support you that I will never know. Again I’m so sorry I put you thru that.
I recognize these things. I own them and take responsibility for them. I wanted you to know that.
I have several good memories as well. We went thru a lot together in the time we shared our lives, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. You were and continue to be so important to ______. That is beautiful. I want you to know that I trust you completely. I always have. They love you very much!
You deserve happiness, joy, love, understanding and peace. I know better relationships are there waiting for you. People who accept your humanness, understands you and will love you completely, no matter the type of relationship.
You are a beautiful person and deserve goodness. It’s there, I know it’s there for you.
I am very grateful to have been in your life and to have shared mine with you. thank you!
My Notes: This is a letter from a past, intimate relationship I had many years ago. This relationship had the best and most considerate closure of all relationships I have ever experienced. It is, I believe, how relationships (any kind, by the way) should end. With humility. Each person recognizing the strengths and weaknesses of themselves, their partner, and the relationship. Acceptance, humility and accountability are the leading characters that offer a graceful ending to one relationship and a baggage free entry into the next relationship.
We remained in contact with one another for several years after this ended, and there were several conversations that we were able to have, that healed any unfinished business.
He has found a new partner in his life, that remains with him to this day.
This relationship has little to no residual after affects, due to the closure we were able to nurture, after our relationship had ended.
Copyright Sept. 11, 2016
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