The Bittersweetness of Grief

photo-thea-by-fireplace

On Valentine’s day we celebrate love, yet mine still aches for the love I have lost, as well as celebrate that love that lives here with me and in memory. Death has a way of awakening life into any emotions and thoughts that have been unattended to. It also can bring new perspective’s into the life that is present. Viewing it’s mysteries, along with its path and quest to continue on with a life and all it has to offer, while honoring what has passed, as well as what may never come.
Lexi and I are doing better, as the day’s pass by. I have joined the living again, and been busy with life and work. Busy has a certain appeal after a death. It anesthetize’s the feelings of grief and the overwhelming desire to just stop moving. It also has a propelling movement that keeps life in motion. As the busyness stops, what is unattended to in grief, allows it to be again. As the busyness starts again, it offer’s the movement and sweetness of life and all that is to come.
Lexi cried for Thea non-stop, thru the night for over a week. She was glued to my side each moment I was there, crying each time I could not pay attention to her. I held her and cuddled her and talked to her of where Thea was, and that she will never return in physical form, but that her spirit is always near. Lexi did not understand this thing called death. All she knew was that she was alone. She cried when I left the house. My neighbor told me she cried each time, but would quiet down after a few minutes. Each time I am out of her sight, she cried and whaled like a Siamese does. (they have this very distinct and loud cry). Once I was in her sight, she toned down her cry and then cried for my constant attention. She still wanders the apartment looking for Thea and crying for her. But each day she has improved. She now sleeps on my bed at night, which was what Thea had done for years. She slept by my side each night, taking up the whole other side of my bed.
So, bit by bit, day by day, we each grieve Thea, but also move on.
Grief is what it is. It’s visit and all it encompasses is no stranger to me. Allowing, honoring and releasing all that it brings. Enjoying all the new perspectives it brings to living!

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright Feb. 14, 2016

All Rights Reserved

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