Facebook —–The madness & beauty of the connection

 

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As the months passed and I was abstinent from the sometimes obsessive habit of Facebook, I came to realize some important knowings about myself and Facebook. The light and dark side to it all.

After leaving Facebook with a final post of heartfelt devastation and hopelessness, I found myself standing alone. Very few people reached out, very few people even raised a care of my heartfelt call for the need of support.. Others made attempts to cover it with a band-aid solution, that typically only left me feeling worse about myself and the endless hopelessness in my personal situation.

Others, whom I would have expected to say something, and quite frankly should have, DIDN’T! Simply because they have known me for years, know my struggles and know that when I am that upset, and cry out for support, that I mean it. Only to be severely disappointed by the lack of care and understanding.

In the beginning, as time passed, without Facebook, I felt even more alone and more isolated then I did on the day of the post. What was wrong here? Were my expectations too much? Was my friends meter over calculated? No one gave a care whether you are there or not. It didn’t matter! All those posts, all those moments of authenticity, all those connections. Was it all a waste of my time and energy?! How could I have been so fooled by it all?!

I was taken back and realized there is truly only one person that you can count on —YOURSELF! If your lucky, a loved one or two.

I was done! FED UP with FACEBOOK!

No posts for 7 months. Occasional visit to Facebook, to message people (business related), retrieve my ‘memories’ and posts, and then left. I no longer viewed the timelines, or spent mindless moments on there. After awhile I was beginning to enjoy the abstinence of it all.

As time passed, a person or two would reach out to me. Where are you? Are you Ok? I haven’t seen you on FB. More time passed, and more people asked where I was. I shared my reasoning for being absent, and thanked them for caring enough to recognize I was gone. So, despite my animosity towards FB, my connection to others had created an impact in other’s lives. I had not been forgotten, I had been remembered in ways I had not realized. And it was in that absence, I realized that my life mattered too. That it too had value, even amongst the busy, loud and countless millions of others on there. It can be so easy for one to feel so insignificant to the world, when using the measurment of Facebook and the friends that have joined you. Especially, when you walk away and no one is following.

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Here is what I learned from my Facebook abstinence:

Even when it seems that you stand alone, when you have walked away and turn to see who is following and no is there as you walk away, wondering where you are…. It is untrue. Each person has made an impact to many others in their lifetime. Each person, no matter how small, or large their presence on FB, has imported a memory into my life, and their life into others.
I learned how I live my life with Facebook and what I place as importance, is not what others will. I know that I always make a point of checking my friends list from time to time. And when I see that someone has not been posting, I send a message to check to see how they are. It can sometimes take weeks or months, before people realize you are gone, because there are hundreds of friends, many of us have. It takes time for it to catch up. (Im speaking of those that are active on FB). I don’t pay much attention to those that are not active. I don’t know your there, if you don’t participate. You have to join in, for me to know your there. 🙂

The next lesson that continues to repeat itself throughout my life, no stranger to many of us.
Those that you thought cared, and should of cared, DID NOT. Those you never would have guessed would have cared at all, DID CARE. Then there were those that cared all along and were true supporters and in the sense of Facebook friends, were truly friends before, and after Facebook.

Things have changed on Facebook, from previous years. It has become more of a news feed then a place to go to connect with others. We are bombarded by advertisements, tragic news media stories, rants and raves of different organizations or groups to join, tragedy after tragedy with attached causes to join. Copy and paste this and I will be your true friend, stupid chain letter’s (absolutely hate these!), and endless chants about how we need to be more positive and change our thinking or the ongoing religious ways of how we need to know and pray as god says we should. Lets not forget the political ranting and raving that went on during the presidential election (2016). That was a true turning point for me.

Facebook and most on there are as fake as fake can be. Many trying to be someone they are not, to ‘look good’. Get more likes, get more friends, followers, etc. It’s just one big fake news feed filled with expectations from so many, in so many directions. Each person arrives on Facebook with a different agenda.

We post tragedies of animals starving, or kids dying in Syria, or the most recent cause in the limelight. Reaching out to our fellow FB friends and followers in hopes to get others to march with our cause and our belief system. Meanwhile, when a fellow Facebook friend (used lightly) is in real need. Desperate need for someone to listen, for someone to be a true friend, to be there because of a life tragedy, then they leave quicker then a flock of birds to the sound of a gunshot!

There is enough hardship, tragedy, and cause sitting right next to us. Our neighbor, our church fellowship, our co-workers, our family and our friends. The reason we are on Facebook and in this world is to connect with others. To gather a sense of community, that seems to be slipping away faster then we can save it. It is your choice whether it is with your church going group, or the animal rights group, or with your real friends and family. That is the beauty of Facebook. It allows us that connection, that so many of us need to sustain. To breathe. To live. Because our lives are so busy, that we don’t even have the time to spend with a friend, over a cup of coffee anymore, so we need to connect by social media, texting and emails. It is the reality of this world.

Facebook is a friendly place, where we can connect with so many others, from so many places. Places we would never be able to visit and meet those wonderful people. Sister souls, mentoring souls, advocate souls, shared interest souls, etc. This is the beauty of Facebook.

Facebook is not a place to air your troubles. No one has the skill, interest or know how to deal with anything but ‘happy’. Another sad fact. Now bloggers! Now they are some people that are REAL people, dealing with REAL problems! They put their heart and soul into their blogs, revealing the most unveiling truths of their lives. Putting it out there for many to see, with many there to support whatever they have chosen to share.  That is what I call TRUE long distance friendships. Those that WILL reach out to someone when they are down and out. Those that support, not judge another by their words and life happenings.

We ‘like’ the latest tragedy. ‘Like’ the page that has a cause to help those kids starving in Africa, or to help those with the latest Mother Earth tragedy. But when there are real life problems with people on our Facebook page. Then the crickets sing a song, and your as isolated as being dumped in the desert. It’s all so noble and gallant to rescue from afar. To donate, to say I know this person who runs this rescue(prestigious connection), blah, blah, blah! But, when it lands on our doorstep, whose really ready to step up to the plate?! You won’t need a counter for this one.

What are real life problems. Losing a job, health issues, divorce, losing a child, facing homelessness, foreclosure on your home, continued poverty, unable to get a job, death, car accidents, etc. These are real life, modern day, problems of people who live in the United States! We don’t live in Syria, or Africa, we live in the U.S., and if we don’t start connecting to our communities and to each other, then we too will be in such devastation as these countries!!!

Ok. So, lets look at that. Why not help a Facebook friend that needs a job? Or needs support during a divorce. I know I have! Countless times supported many Facebook friends, with their call for help, from life tragedies, and life challenges. I have given many free consultations to help people with their animals, and have offered countless others in assisting them in many different situations. (*Note I speak of helping others from person to person, not a business to a person. Business is business and needs to make a profit, and even so there are times when we need to set aside the bottom line and just give to those in need who truly seek improvement of their life).

Granted there are times when we all have enough on our own plates, to not be able to take on anybody else’s problems. Life is a never ending challenge of pursuits, blockers, losses and responsibilities. Who has time to help another, right?! At times it is just too overwhelming for any one of us, even those with the biggest and most selfless giving hearts.

Most people don’t have the know how, skill, guts or stomach to deal with people’s problems. These are what I call ‘sunshine friends’. Never report anything going bad in your life. Always be happy. Never vent to them about life. Just pretend to be someone you are not, and put a smile on your face and pretend to be happy, while your with them. But hang out a listening ear to all their troubles! Cause they will dish it out, all too often, being a friend to them with their troubles, but heaven forbid if you come to them with your troubles. Facebook is all too often a sunshine friend, which offers it’s pluses and minuses.

Facebook is predictable. Be happy. Post happy things. Post triumphs, accolades, winnings, new houses, new cars, boyfriends, marriage, kids, pets, vacations, graduations, new jobs, etc. Anything that marks the happiest milestones of life.
The one exception to the usual celebrations that are warmly accepted on FB by the majority rule, is death, grief & loss, illness, accidents and Mother Nature tragedies. These are the only accepted tragedies of life that FB friends and followers will embrace and pour out their support to those that care to share it.

I also realized Facebook is a timeline of my life, and of those whom we share our FB page with. In those pictures, we see their life, as well as ours. As the ’shared memories’ appear in my timeline I realized it was a journal of my life. With it’s marked dates I could recall that time in my life and what was going on. Reminisce through the moments past….. How I had endured it, celebrated it, grieved it, or triumphed over it! It was a reminder of who I was, what I had done and where I had been. Who was important, who was not. I realized how important that was.

Once upon a time we had photo albums that we scrolled through to embrace our life. Today, we scroll through the pictures on our phones, Facebook and other social media to view the moments in life. I then realized that without it, it became an even more lonely life, and that I had lost a valuable connection to others and the world. For those reasons alone, I knew I had to return.

Then there is the sweetness of Facebook. Connecting with people who were once of your past, and are now a part of your present. There is a lot of joy in knowing that people once again are thinking of you and remember you and want to be a part of your life again.

The other delights of Facebook are the connections to the world. To witness the creative innovations that make this world a better place, the entertainment of those that share their gifted talents; from artists to dancers, singers, actors and more. It opens your world to a much larger space, larger then yourself. That in itself opens doors, ideas, creations and your mind to the world and all it’s beauty.

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From the funny quips, to the beautiful pictures, to the profound words of wisdom, there is much to find on Facebook, that will keep you coming back for more.

To the many support groups where you will get the hunger of your needs met, by so many that pour out their hearts to assist others in the cause that have inspired them. To share the knowledge, the testimony, the rapture of transformation it bestowed upon their life, offering it to all those that seek to experience the same.

Let’s not forget what FB does for business. How important a tool it is grow a business. The exponential growth that can be a part of your business, with your effort and willingness to pursue it. It is your’s for the grabbing, all it takes is connecting with others, And those connecting with them, and them connecting with others, etc. The endless opportunity that can come from a FB business page is limitless!

It is all about the connection, the love and the beauty of this space we call life. We can either jump on board, or skip the ride. But to expand that connection we must stay in tune with the latest and greatest ways of connecting, and that involves social media. It’s still a choice, but it is one I keep coming back to, even after a period of abstinence, it still reigns in my heart as a place to stay connected!

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright Apritl 3, 2017

All Rights Reserved

TIME

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Whether it has a rushing insistence on us, or a gathering hold of moments treasured,

Or the slow delays that lead to capture our over peaked interests

Or the precious value of enjoying the paced pursuit of something that offers great rewards
and remarkable marks upon our life

Curious quests involving patience of your time and watch in delight the promise of what time offers.

In the hopes of times to come and cherish the time past, lost or forgotten

Time that seems to stand still during the moment of tragedy

The test of time,
the savory of time.
Time lost….time gone….times remembered….

Another time…

Each breath we take. Exhale in and out and feel the breath of time. Breathing life Into our existence within each moment

Fragments of time that come together as pieces in the puzzle

Time of pain, love and joy

Time passes so quickly

Our most precious gift of this life is Time

Without time we no longer exist
In the spirit world there is no account of time, only space, uninterrupted by time.

At any moment the gift of time can end for us or a loved one

Capturing time
Letting time pass
Living in the ‘now’ of time
The destruction of time
The birth of time
Welcome to the right time!

To see the birth of a child and watch it take in its first breath
To watch the coming together of two who love one another
To kiss the muzzle of a horse’s nose
To hear the purr of a kitten
To feel the sunlight upon your face
To laugh and feel the joy of life

Choose it wisely for once deposits are made, there are no withdrawals
Never to be duplicated again

In each encounter lies the real gift…………….TIme

The Good Fortune of Misfortune

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“I never wanted the misfortune of someone else to by my fortune. I wanted the misfortune of my life to be the good fortune of other’s lives”.

(I think that is what many of us hope for in our writing’s.  That it will be the good fortune of other’s lives.  That our lessons, our pain, our mistakes will be something that others can take with them and walk away knowing and having more, in a way that brings good fortune to many).

By Diana Wanamaker

July 8, 2017

All Rights Reserved

The Value of Relationships

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Too many hurts and losses of friendships in 2014. As every friendship I knew disappeared as quickly as they came in. Some that were a lifetime, some that were new and developing. They say that time is supposed to heal you, but at times the pain pays a revisit.

I often find this correlation between life and all it’s challenges from the relationship with my horses. Here is what I have learned…..(thus far)

No relationship is easy. Not even with our horses. There are times when it is more work, more money, and more time, like any relationship. Sacrifices are made. There are times when we are giving more then getting. It stretches and tests our own humanity and compassion for another. Times when we question if it is all worth it.

Remembering measurement is not always in the now, but the cumulation of moments past, and those times yet to come. Moments of struggle rarely last forever. Value of another’s life is not the total sum of what they are always giving to us, but the relationship as a whole.

There is no question where there are those relationships that certainly are disposable for the weight and burden of what is lacking is far greater then what they bring to a relationship. Holding on for the mere sake of holding on, no longer makes sense.

But with our horses, they age, they become sick, injured and the weight of responsibility to care for them is greater then we can bear at times. Now all of a sudden, because they have nothing to bring to the relationship, such as unable to ride, to some, they are no longer of value. Disposing of them as if their life no longer matters. As if all those moments of giving they offered years before have lost their value.

I often see this correlation in friendships and intimate relationships. Once a mistake is made, once a friendship is struggling, many just place value on that moment of brokenness, pushing aside all the years that the relationship has offered value. All forgotten as quickly as the snap of your fingers.

We live in a disposable society. There is no honor in loyalty. Very little is tolerated, when it is broken, sick or no longer meets our needs. We throw it, replace it, divorce it, break-up with it, dismiss it, leave it, ignore it and walk away from it.

silhouette of the man walking above the clouds on the sunrise

Relationships are HARD! From human to horse. It is not all glory. There are times of cussing, tears, anger, defeat, hurt, and the visiting thoughts of giving up.

What is important is to embrace the humanity of ones self. For relationships inevitably will change, not always in our favor, but in the light of humanity.

Every living creature, no matter how broken, sick, lame or unusable to us, still has value. Every friendship or partner in life will test us, make mistakes, and come to a brink of intolerance. Only those that can withstand the tests of time and change will be left. It is only our heart and soul that measure that. It is seen through the eyes of another.

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright June 25, 2017

All Rights Reserved

Upon a Moonlit Night

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I walked out to the pasture tonight, to check on the equines. The moon was glowing. I stood there in the quiet of the night. Not even a whisper of the wind. I stared up at the sky and didn’t want to move. It was so inviting. I went back in the barn and grabbed my stool and brought it back out to the pasture to sit near Jay & Sadie, as they grazed. Jay came up to visit with me and then moved further into the tall grass of the pasture. Sadie followed. I moved my seat closer to them and began to mediatate. 3 am in the morning, and there I sat in this world that seemed so balanced and untouched by the turmoil of life.


It was difficult to quiet my mind, it has been so long since I have been able to meditate and I can feel the disconnect from the spiritual realm. As I began to balance my thoughts, the subtle background noise from Jay shifted. I could hear a thump on the ground. My eyes opened to see him laying down. I breathed in and gasped, unable to let out the air I just took in. I sat there watching to be sure he was ok. He just sat there. He seemed alert, grabbed a couple bite’s of grass and continued to lay there. Sadie moved in closer to him, as if to check on him. He rolled over and went back to just laying there, with his ears tuning into the noises of the night.


I sat there, taking in this moment. It is a peacefulness I have not felt in months. I had no desire to move. Jay got up and then just stood there, no interest in grazing. I went over to check on him and he seemed fine.


Oh how I miss this connection. Of just being in the moment. Taking in the quiet life of the barn and the horses. It is a glimpse of more to come for me, when this school year ends. But, for that short while, I could escape the chaos of constant movement and endless mind chatter, along with unceasing ‘to do’ lists, feeling further and further from any divine sacredness. Credit due to the quiet nature of the life of equines, upon a moonlit night.

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright June 1, 2015

All Rights Reserved

The Underdogs of the World

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When someone comes from a place of dishonor, defeat, shame and/or failure they lose despite their efforts. When someone comes from a place where no one believes in them, they fail. When someone comes from a place of no support, when all their bridges are burnt, when no one stands by their side cheering them on, they will fail.

The odds are greater that they will choose to return to a life that comes easier then success, to a life of failure. When disappointment is yet another result of an attempt at success, unworthy becomes their name. When the label comes to a place of unworthy, there is no place to climb to gain honor. All their attempts, all their efforts, their hopes, dreams and promise of a better tomorrow become lost. They are the forgotten ones, the one’s left behind, the one’s whose past, whose dishonor supersedes even their grandest efforts to break thru by whom all who have labeled them.
Do you know what is the number one reason and the only reason why those who have beaten the greatest odds and who have succumb the greatest challenges, become winner’s?
SUPPORT! Someone, even if it is only ONE person, that stands by their side and see’s their potential, believes in the possibilities of who they can become, and forgets the dishonor of their past, or the multiple failures of their efforts. However, few will stand by such a person, for accolades of success are what people honor. They are the hero’s that stand with the plaque in their hands. They are the ones that flash their material rewards, and reap the financial affluence that stand in the favorable circle of recognition. Those rewards, those accomplishments, that financial gain, those gifts of reward are distinctive honor, acknowledgement of character & integrity.
Yes, those that achieve success, those that earned those rewards, they too have had set backs, they too have had what seemed to be unsurmountable challenges, or maybe even came from unthinkable beginning’s, they too have had failures. But the difference between that crowd and those that come from a place of dishonor, is that they were eventually rewarded. They had steps forward, they had success, they were able to grasp and hold onto the promise of a new future with all their efforts.
The underdogs of the world, ones who had to climb out of the furrow of anguish far greater than any average successful person ever had to endure. The underdog, the little guy, the dark horse has come from a place of repeated years of failure, with no plaques of success, no money to line their pockets, and no one to stand by their side cheering them on. They are the loser’s of society. They are unwanted, unloved & un-supported. They too need someone to reach out to them. The underdog who is willing to climb the mountains of change and make their life one that is worthy and deserving of respect and honor. They just need a hand to help pull them from the suffering.
As they said in the story of “Seabiscuit”, winner’s are built to be tall and sleek, with superior breeding and superior training. They don’t come from small physique’s, who are taught to lose, and walk with a limp. They don’t come from having a jockey that is too big, or a trainer that is too old, or an owner that has no experience in the sport of racing.
It is a brutal, competitive world out there, where watching and protecting your back has become a way of survival of the fittest in the world of business. Anybody can succeed with all the right supports in place, and who come from a background of excellence. The more support in all categories, the more likely the success and with the least resistance.
Anybody can pick the shiniest penny, the most dazzling resume, the many high titles and degree’s of achievement. Take a risk on an underdog, a person who despite their efforts to change, continue’s to fail. They need just someone to grab them by their hand, and help pull them out of the hole that they continue to fall into, despite their efforts. Someone who believe’s in them. Someone’s who see’s their potential, not their black marks of failure.
Take a risk, chose an underdog, a defeated person and really make a difference in someone’s life.

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright May 2015

All Rights Reserved