Tag Archive | friendships

Dear Friend

Image -friendship

Dear Friend,

The other day you said some things to me that were cruel and insensitive.
I know the words you chose were chosen carelessly and you were in a dark place.
So why am I here, with you, standing next to you and supporting you?
Because, that’s what ‘friends’ do.
I still believe in you and know that what you dream will be.

Would you do the same for me as I would for you?

By Diana Wanamaker

Copyright June 16, 2012. All Rights Reserved

Mirror Mirror

Image -Sadie lou Spring 2015

By Diana Wanamaker

Dear Sadie Lou,

Mirror Mirror
a hand reaches out
feel it’s warmth encircled in love
shuffled from home to home
the touch that leaves it’s sting of betrayal
trust again
feel the hand that leaves scars
shuffled again
the ghost of trust leaves its distant shadow
Why open again to another hand of trust
again they will leave
again they will betray
Why invest outside of the inner world
raise your guards
put on your armor
never give in again to the hand of trust
that leaves it’s silhouette of darkness
open the door
view the crack of light that circles the room
allowing the past, opening the future
stand still in the history
or move forward into hope
Mirror Mirror

There lies the history of your world with each time you turn away, each time you walk in fear. Your uncertainty of ever allowing to trust again is shown in your escape. Your inner world only opens to the external light when your guard is down. You yearn for the warmth of love, but place a shield around your heart. In small sequential steps you allow to be seen for all you have to give in return. The past dictates the fear that envelops your outermost world. Uncertainty and mistrust have become your faithful guides. It is a see saw of caution and trust. Acting committed, feeling doubt. All you knew speaks louder words than what your present world offers.
Why trust again? Why open up again to another person when it always ends. There is no forever. There is only today. Life passes by with no commitment’s, easily passed on from one place, one person, to the next. There is no real nirvana relationship. To risk again is for the sake of love and the escape of the isolated world of fear.
It will always be with you. You have come a long ways. You will see again the goodness of other’s.
You cannot be told to love again, only time and trust writes that story.

Shall you imagine a world between us where only love wins. Where you may give all that can be returned. May the past lower it’s shield and open it’s gates to a relationship that will allow us both to live in peace forever. To a paradise where dreams speak softly. Where a hand only strokes in kindness. Where trust is the foundation. And love wins.

Mirror Mirror

I wrote this recognizing what I saw in Sadie is what I too am, and what I too have experienced. It has come to this point in my life, where there has been so much hurt, so much betrayal and deep loss (particularly life long friendships) that I too had come to a place where I did not want to trust again. I too walk in caution with each new person I meet. Excited about the new possibilities of new friendships, yet cautioned by each new step I take forward. Mirror, mirror was a look at how Sadie and I share the same history that has taken us to the same place in life today.  How we each desire to overcome it, and live beyond it.

Copyright September 19, 2015. All Rights Reserved

Dreams of Yesterday

Image -dreaming of a man from my past

By Diana Wanamaker

I had a dream last night. One of those dream’s that are so real you want the moment to last forever. A vivid recount that is so real, that it is only upon your wakening that you realize it was a dream. A dream that you carry with you thru the whole day and you can’t shake the memory it brings to mind.

Sweet kisses, heartfelt goodbyes’, gentle whisper’s of love to each other, hugs that warmed the soul, laughter that bellowed echoes afar and smile’s that will forever be imprinted………

I dreamed of a man that was once a part of my life. We started out dating, the dating part fizzled and it developed into a long friendship that went on and off over a span of 20 yrs. Adventure and excitement were the first allure to him. He was as we all know some men to be, a ‘bad boy’. He was charming, charismatic, funny and handsome! The kind of man that women would line up at the ‘kissing booth’ for and pay out their last $1 to get a kiss from him. Despite his irresistible charm and his long line of women, we remained a part of one another’s life thru many changes and life’s trials and tribulation’s.
There is a certain freedom to having a man as a close friend without the romantic pressure or expectation’s. Being able to talk to one another about what only most women friend’s share between each other. The companionship in-between our own romances. He was my knight in shining armor when I needed him, my shoulder to lean on when life got me down, a warm body to hold and hug when hugs were not in such abundance, and a friend to laugh and have adventure’s with. And adventures we had!
But as bad boys are, he was not someone you could always depend on, and it certainly was not without the heartache. But, it was not the dysfunction of the relationship I dreamed of, or thought of throughout the day today, it was the fond memories that left me longing for more.
We went our separate ways about 18 yrs. ago. He married many years ago and is happily married to the same woman today.
We have not spoken since then. Wishing continued well wishes and happiness to you dear friend.
There are certainly advantages to being single, and on most days I am perfectly content with it, but on occasion the loneliness swallows me up and the deep longing for what once was to come to life in the present measures larger then any given benefit of being single. Today was one of those days. This too shall pass and life today will once again be embraced and loved, as much as the memories of yesterday.

Copyright April 2015. All Rights Reserved

Don’t Burn the Jiffy Pop!

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Photo: Here’s the Clan at the Farm (from left to right):

Mousy (cat sitting on fence post), Penny Arcade (also known as Arc. my horse. the bay), Randy (pony in middle), Dave (holding Randy), Louie (the dog), Skipper (big, red TW), Carol (holding Skipper), Herkamore (black cat Carol’s holding).

Copyright 1974. All Rights Reserved

By Diana Wanamaker

I remember long, long days at the barn with our horses. We would be there early in the morning. Tacking up and heading out for the day that would literally consist of 12-24 hours. Squeezing as much out of daylight as we could…but wait, that didn’t stop us either. Many a night we came home single file in the dark. Continuing our riding adventures camped out on the 10 acres of land.

Back then the acres of farm land surrounded us for miles and miles.  We had our pick of places to ride without much complaint from anyone.  Each area had a designated name and each area offered a different riding adventure.  The rolling hills & meadows of Haunted Hill Valley to the dessert like terrain of Devil’s Mountain to the swimming holes of Paint Creek, there was no adventure untouchable.

Playing tag around the sand filled hills of Devils Mountain for hours on end. Switching horses. Running up and down sand hills, bareback, carved by mountian bikers. No hill was too steep, no run too daring.  Riding into nearby neighborhoods, stopping at my riding buddies parent’s home. Tying the horses up, going in for lunch, then back out to more adventures on the trails.  No matter the weather, no matter the time of year, we stopped at nothing to go riding.

Campfire’s out in empty fields, for winter riding, to warm up our toes, and cooked Jiffy Pop over the campfire. We also made manure rings in the pasture, for winter and those shorter days. We also would use the house spotlight to ride on those darker, cooler nights. Chasing the occassional hot air ballon to be there when they landed. Riding underneath the Railroad Bridge, riding into town and riding to parks.  It was all about the riding then and those horses took us far and wide across many miles over the years.

Days seemed so much simpler then, people were more trusting, there was more freedom, more space, less people and more farms, more generousity and kindness, more genuine friendships, fun and laughter. Everything just seemed so much easier and less complex when thinking back of all the memories without computers. Different world today, it’s ever changing atmosphere often leaves me to travel back in time when the only care in the world I carried, was to see my horse and make sure the Jiffy Pop didn’t burn.

Here’s to the memories of my younger years of riding and it’s propelling movement to share them hear today for the world to see. Again they live!

Copyright March 2103. All Rights Reserved

Internal Bliss

Image -rocking chairs on porch

By Diana Wanamaker

I dream of one day going away. Disappearing with no footprint’s left behind. Starting all over again. Meeting new people who know me for who I really am and who I am today, not of yesterday’s past. I dream of being around people who appreciate me for who I am, not who they want to shape me into being, and not what I can do for them. A place where people are kind, loving supportive and accepting. Tales may be told of yesterday’s past, but life is lived presently in the joy of the moment and the great promise of a bright future. Creating a whole new life with new friends and surrounding myself around people who are like family and accept me as that forever. A life where love wins over all. Relationships that are seen in 3D, not with the distance of computer’s and busy life styles. A time where fun is in abundance and I am adored by those all around me.
As I travel to find this place of bliss, I leave a footprint that is forever missed in the heart’s of those I encountered. People see me thru the light of a new day, and not of the darkness that once shadowed my world.
Oh, how nice it would be to escape all that around me and start again.

I have created this life before me by surrounding myself with people who needed help. I was there to offer my help, my support, my love and all they needed time and time again. I loved them as if they were my family, comforted them, as if they were one with me. I dreamed of them being with me forever. Sitting side by side in the quiet of the countryside, rocking away in our rockers, with our animals at our feet. In contentment we rocked. In peace we enjoyed each other’s company.
I envisioned a world where favors and support I offered to other’s would be returned when I was in need. I pictured the tug and tow of a boat alongside it’s dock. At times it pulled it’s rope tautly, and other times it came in close to relieve the tug on the ropes of it’s tied position. The waves rock it ever gently. Other times storms prevail and the nook of the dock and shore keep it safe and from harm.
As the years roll on and changes come about, I realize that I have surrounded myself with the ever daunting task of wanting to be loved and accepted by others, by giving and doing to other’s, time and time again. Only to come to this cul-de-sac in life to realize that I have been giving to so many who are not capable of giving in return. When life surge’s ahead, I have longed to have someone there to stand by my side, only to find that many I have chosen are friends that only arise during the sunshine of today. I dragged out this cycle of giving, seeking the return of love and support from other’s. Only do I find that I stand alone, with no one by my side, no friends to speak of, no one that cries out in acknowledgement of who I am or where have I gone, if I disappear. Soliciting for love and support, I only realized it is not all around that I must search for it, but it is within that I need to find it.

Copyright Sept. 2015. All Rights Reserved

Unspoken Intentions

Photo -Jay at gate in sunlight redone

By Diana Wanamaker

My life as been so incredibly busy lately, that it has been difficult to even get the garbage out. Although it brings very exciting and positive changes.
I was at the barn this morning feeding Jay as I do every morning before I start my day. It was a beautiful day, filled with sunny skies and a welcoming invitation to the great outdoors.
When I can, I let Jay out of his pasture to graze in the yard, and he just loves to be able to do that. I could immediately see this morning that he had every intention of letting me know that this morning was a morning he wanted to graze. I had no time to do that, but Jay stood by the gate and gave me that look, and I read his intention. Despite my lack of time, Jay continued watching me with that sweet face, standing in the corner by the gate, offering only his continued, persistent intention.
He then began to weave, which brings me due unrest to see him anxious or unhappy in that way. But, I have also learned that Jay has learned how to reach my inner most vulnerability to get his message to me. I had no time, but his request pulled at my heart strings. I had to go!
As I slowly drove away in my car, I continued to look back into the pasture and apologized that I had no time. He continued to stand by the gate and weaved, and as my car pulled around to his back side, he turned his head to glance at me. I yelled out my apologies, once again, and how sorry I was, as he cocked his ear in the direction of my voice.
I drove off, knowing he would be fine, but it stuck with me all day, of how unsettling it can sometimes be to not have enough time to return a small bit of happiness to him, as much as he so graciously gives to me.

Copyright June 2014. All Rights Reserved