Tag Archive | love

May Peace Be With You

Image -peaceful bridge

May love and laughter fill your day

May good and faithful friends and family be wherever you roam

As you express gratitude for this day may you never forget to live by the words you express.  For it is what we do for others and the world that remains immortal

May the explicit effort of your gratitude rein abundance in your life, surrounding you with joy, love and peace

Whatever is good, whatever brings you joy…. may it be your guide in life

Wishing that your days are filled with moments that bring cherished memories

That your journey through life is one guided by your inner light

With each step you take, each bridge you cross and every move you make be one that offers you the fullest in life

May the light over shadow the darkness that inevitably will appear on this path and may it’s lessons offer a brighter path to your next destination

May peace be the prominent resolution in your heart, today always and till the end…

Copyright May 26, 2016. All Rights Reserved

Vignettes of Romance

Image -romance

By Diana Wanamaker

They had laid down on the cushions, just inches apart from one another. The summer sun was spreading it’s abundance of light and warmth upon their bodies. Her tan body took in the rays of color. Her cover up was pulled up, revealing her upper thigh and the tan line. The gentle rocking of the boat from the water was a rhythmic lullaby. He laid next to her. They both dosed in and out of sleep, enjoying the lazy day of summer’s hypnotic ways. She felt his hand touch her leg. He gently stroked her soft skin. She could feel his desire for more. She enjoyed the comfort of a man who was greatly fond of her and their times together reaped the rewards of any good friendship. She could not resist his gentle touch. The heat of the sun with the serene sounds of the water’s movement against the boat were sedative. His strong hand followed the curve of her golden thigh, as he gently caressed her. Her drowsy state enjoyed the sensation, but her heart did not follow. It was misleading to him for her to continue, but his hand upon her body was difficult to resist……………..

The crowd was packed with people, elbow to elbow. The four of them had made a date to travel down to see the brilliant fire works display. He was just a friend to her and they had set up a date with their two close friends. Double date night. It was what she had always wanted, but she knew deep down that it was only a friendship between the two of them. Their friendship ensued, after their intimacy died, years prior. It was all in fun and adventure to be without the heavy burdens of their troubled lives. To be with friends and laugh and enjoy the closeness of one another’s company. So, she soaked in what was given, with mutual understanding that this was merely a friendship that would never go further than that.
He was handsome as ever, with his white t-shirt glowing against his tan, muscled body, his rounded buttocks so perfectly fitting in his faded jeans. It was just the warmth and security of his presence that brought contentment to her world that night. He often reminded her that he had no interest in her, in anyway but a friendship, and she respected his wishes. But her heart longed for more.
As the two of them pushed a path thru the crowd, with her in the lead, a very large man with a bandana around his head and the body of a weight lifter had caught his eye on her. Feeling daring and adventurous that night, she responded to his conversation. Her friend not far from her sight. She smiled in curiosity and engaged in the conversation, as this stranger spoke of how he had just been released from prison. The danger of it all allured her closer. This stranger made his way thru the crowd towards her, getting closer and closer with each step. But, before she could utter another word, she felt him pull her back behind him and he stood between the large man and herself. He knew what her curiosity had not seen, danger in the lurk. He acknowledged they were together and then he led her away from the precarious situation. She did not argue his decision, and from the moment he pulled her back, she knew she had gone too close to an element of danger, she should not have ventured to.
They slipped away and came close to the water’s edge, just in time to see the splendor of the firework lights! As they flashed against the star lit night, he came from behind her and held her in his arms. Whispering and laughing with one another, for that moment of time, she felt like she never had before. Loved, protected and safe from all of life’s harms. She could feel his strong arms clutching her body, as her head rested against his muscular chest. The smell of him was alluring and his tender touch was reassuring. Together they innocently held one another, lost in the entertainment against the sky scraper world, the water’s edge, and a starlit night………

Copyright May 23, 2015. All Rights Reserved

 

Mirror Mirror

Image -Sadie lou Spring 2015

By Diana Wanamaker

Dear Sadie Lou,

Mirror Mirror
a hand reaches out
feel it’s warmth encircled in love
shuffled from home to home
the touch that leaves it’s sting of betrayal
trust again
feel the hand that leaves scars
shuffled again
the ghost of trust leaves its distant shadow
Why open again to another hand of trust
again they will leave
again they will betray
Why invest outside of the inner world
raise your guards
put on your armor
never give in again to the hand of trust
that leaves it’s silhouette of darkness
open the door
view the crack of light that circles the room
allowing the past, opening the future
stand still in the history
or move forward into hope
Mirror Mirror

There lies the history of your world with each time you turn away, each time you walk in fear. Your uncertainty of ever allowing to trust again is shown in your escape. Your inner world only opens to the external light when your guard is down. You yearn for the warmth of love, but place a shield around your heart. In small sequential steps you allow to be seen for all you have to give in return. The past dictates the fear that envelops your outermost world. Uncertainty and mistrust have become your faithful guides. It is a see saw of caution and trust. Acting committed, feeling doubt. All you knew speaks louder words than what your present world offers.
Why trust again? Why open up again to another person when it always ends. There is no forever. There is only today. Life passes by with no commitment’s, easily passed on from one place, one person, to the next. There is no real nirvana relationship. To risk again is for the sake of love and the escape of the isolated world of fear.
It will always be with you. You have come a long ways. You will see again the goodness of other’s.
You cannot be told to love again, only time and trust writes that story.

Shall you imagine a world between us where only love wins. Where you may give all that can be returned. May the past lower it’s shield and open it’s gates to a relationship that will allow us both to live in peace forever. To a paradise where dreams speak softly. Where a hand only strokes in kindness. Where trust is the foundation. And love wins.

Mirror Mirror

I wrote this recognizing what I saw in Sadie is what I too am, and what I too have experienced. It has come to this point in my life, where there has been so much hurt, so much betrayal and deep loss (particularly life long friendships) that I too had come to a place where I did not want to trust again. I too walk in caution with each new person I meet. Excited about the new possibilities of new friendships, yet cautioned by each new step I take forward. Mirror, mirror was a look at how Sadie and I share the same history that has taken us to the same place in life today.  How we each desire to overcome it, and live beyond it.

Copyright September 19, 2015. All Rights Reserved

The Mule Connection

Image -Sadie Lou summer

By Diana Wanamaker

I got the closest and best snuggle yet from Sadie Lou last night! It was wonderful! So wonderful I had to share! Not my first snuggle, but the closest snuggle I have had from her yet.
I walked up to her and I stop about 2 ft. from her and talk softly to her, because I can feel her backing away, as she often does. Then I took a few more steps and approached her, towards her shoulder. Once I reached her, I reward her with a neck massage and talking to her in a soft, tone. Then I approached her head and stroked her head softly, reaching up to itch her ears (and she leaned into it). Then I speak to her in a soft, whisper tone, as I begin very slowly and very softly stroking her nose and her head. Her head was down and she remained quiet and still, not turning away, but enjoying the snuggle. Then I put my check up against a nook, just below her ear, as I softly stroked her nose and her head, talking soft, sweet loving words to her. Her head was relaxed and placed in a low position, leaning against me. I grabbed the moment. She allowed herself to enjoy it and released her often stout, on guard stance she takes. We both just allowed one another to be there snuggled to one another, trusting the other with this very close proximity. I was in awe! Then I thanked her and told her what an awesome Mule girl she is and walked away to finish my chores. She followed me into the stall and I continued to tell her how wonderful that moment of closeness was! I had a smile on my face all the way back home last night and continued to immerse myself in the feelings of that wonderful moment of closeness we shared!

As I began her training, I was impressed with her extremely quick learning and how willing she was to please. She often would ask me what she should be doing, as I was learning this new method of connecting (Parelli) myself.
I know today, there are my own issues of past and abusive relationships that play a part in this relationship. I have learned that what I expect is what would have been from a human relationship. Absolutely nothing would come from an abusive relationship. Progress forward would not exist. Sadie has opened so many triggers for me, in ways I had forgot, because of her distancing and what seems to be a never ending world of never trusting again. As I learn myself to trust again, and to deal with my own ghosts of my past, as she learns to release her’s as well.
No doubt there are days I want to give up, and I know there are days where Sadie wants absolutely nothing to do with me!
The push-pull of developing a closer connection is a long, and slow road with a mule, is what I have learned.
But, when I least expect it, she becomes a partner and surprises me with her willingness to give and be the partnership I hope for her and I to be. I have also learned how I need to be a trusting partner to her, in a way she feels safe and more willing to release her trust.
It is, without question, the most unusual and the most challenging relationship I have had with an animal, hands down!
But we are both here, and I have learned to cherish each moment of connection, each step of progress she gives to me, and each time I am able to learn to respond to her in a way she connects. Each of us learning, giving, releasing and pulling away again. She really is an amazing animal and as we continue on, I continue to struggle with trusting her, but I also have learned to celebrate each and every moment she releases her trust to me.

Copyright November 27, 2015. All Rights Reserved

Time….Space & Love

Image -quote of love

By Diana Wanamaker

Time is forever a precious part of our lives
We are endlessly scurrying to acquire more of it, along with helplessly complaining there is not enough of it
The moment’s that take our breathe away are seemingly too short, but always remain a part of our being within the memories of our mind
The cherished moments of time with loved ones fuel our existence of being, valuable to all that experience it
Time while we are apart is counted, time we are together is too short, and time after the passing of our loved ones lives leaves us with how many moments we lost with them.
Even beyond the passing of a loved one, time lives on. Whether we believe in life after death, as our loved ones continue to offer subtle reminders they are close, even though their body of presence no longer exists. Or maybe it is simply captured in photos, video’s and the timeless captures of those moments once spent.
Time is infinity.

Space….Living space, freedom of space, space we own, space we dream of, space we have visited and space that calls to us to visit to answer the whisperings of the hearts’ yearnings.
Since probably the beginning of time, space has been fought for, bought, acquired, longed for, and for the lucky ones has been enjoyed while they are graced with every breath of life.
The space we live in, we own, and the space that is near our being is perpetually a part of our life. Who enters into our space (whether chosen or not) is of utmost importance.
The space we live in is detrimental to our existence or to our demise.
Those that have more space, have more money, that has been the rule since the beginning of time. Whether it was claimed, bought, fought, inherited or won.
The things that fill that living space are also determined by the amount of money one has.
The people that enter into our space of living is often one of choice and what offers great value to the importance of that space that is shared.
There is also the masterpiece of mother earth’s space. From dirt of the earth to the skies and beyond, space is always been one of beauty and mystery. With it, one can only imagine the devastation of not having it.
But it’s beauty enthrall’s us in so many ways and offers unfading presence to our lives.
From the mountains, to the rivers, oceans and desert’s of the land’s, a continuance of space is in abundance
Space is infinity and a precious commodity we all need and treasure thru the quantity of time.
Space is infinity……

Love
As much love as one can receive or give
It does not always remain with one person, for relationships with certain individuals do not offer infinity of love
But love can always reappear again in another being. We can receive it, or walk away from it.
We can give as much love as we care to give, to as many people as we care to give it too.
That is infinite
Not all experience love, or can even define what it is, but it is still there, continually being offered to all that come acres it’s path
Love has been a part of life thru the many generations and era’s of time. From romance to undying love of a spouse, sibling, parent, child, friend, or the love of the many animal companions that fill our hearts with joy and purpose.
Relationships end, but love can always be a part of our life and those that come again into our lives. It is a choice of whether to offer and receive love to another, but love is always there. It is always a part that can be awakened again.
Love is even there for those who have not had the good fortune of knowing love in their lives. Make no mistake there are plenty that sit with loneliness and have never experienced the love of another. They too can find love somewhere, it is still forevermore a choice to seek out. To receive. To yearn for. To feel void without it.
Love is affection, support, acceptance and a long list of experience’s, obligations, sacrifices and commitment to another. It brings great pleasure and euphoric life to what seems like a dull existence without it. Love is romantic, sexual, friendly, happy, cheerful and intense. When love is used as the goodness it was designed to be, it can offer so much to a life. When used in negative ways and thru negative experiences, it is no longer timeless or offering it’s gift’s. Love is something that is present, it is the absence of it that causes the negative consequences.
Love is all around. It is the passion of a painter expressing their creativity, it is in the song of a musician, it is in the eyes of a man and women who are graced with timeless love, it is the intricate beauty of a hummingbird creating the perfect nest for it’s young ones to come, it is in the undying love of our pets that are a part of our families, it is the devotion of a parent to a child, the love letters unwritten and the words vowed in a marriage ceremony. Love is surrounded in our lives.
Love is infinity……

Copyright August 2015. All Rights Reserved

Till Your Last Breath My Sweet Boy….

Jay March 2015

By Diana Wanamaker

My sweet boy Jay has been enjoying the cover and shelter of his new barn since the beginning of this new barn experience. I often find him standing at the end of the aisle to the barn, looking out at the pasture and keeping a close eye on his buddy, Sadie Lou. I will often find Jay in his stall or standing further inside the barn when I arrive, sheltered from the weather. Enjoying the comfort of being inside during inclement weather.
I can’t help but think of all the barns I have been at that my sweet Jay stood out in weather conditions that were unthinkable and border line neglect. And I had no voice to help him, no means to change it. And with each move to a new barn I found the same again and again. With each situation I became more and more hopeless, as I stood by voiceless on what I could do to help who I love the most.
After over a decade of this, my voice erupted in bursts of anger, at the lack of control I had to help who I loved the most and whom I know was affected by the lack of compassion and understanding from these barn owners. Not only did I cry in sadness and yell in anger at the injustice being done to my beloved horse, but I cried for all the injustice’s of my own life, and all the times I had no voice. No one to speak on my behalf, as I endured unspeakable events of my own life. I knew the truths of standing in the cold with no support anywhere to be found, and when I saw that in Jay, I could not stand by and blindly watch, as other’s in my life had done to me. I became his voice.
I spent years with a voice that talked with reason and understanding and coming from another’s view point. Putting myself in a barn owner’s shoes (best I could) and I talked with respect and logic. I strived to negotiate and come to a middle ground. I used every communication skill I possessed to create change for the better of Jay’s comfort and needs. It never resulted in change. Or if it did, it was short lived. So, I did what I could with the tools I had.
I would create shelter for Jay with blankets and hoods, place hay nets in corners where it provided some sort of wind break, or moved him to another part of a pasture in yet another corner, to protect from wailing winds.
His resilience however, is far greater than my own.
Eventually, I did move onto a new barn and yet another and another. Improvements came in the area of shelter, but it offered other challenges that weighed heavy on me.
With the last barn (before the dream barn), I was broken. I had hit a bottom with the abuse towards me and my horse over the years, and I could no longer trust or have faith in what was to come next. I made the hardest decision, I have ever made. It dawned on me, maybe I need to let Jay go. Maybe I need to find him another loving home, with someone who has their own farm and doesn’t have to board. Maybe Jay would be happier with that, then the stress of moving from barn to barn. I had to consider that and I had to do what was best for Jay. I could barely breathe thinking of being without him, but I could feel peace in knowing he may be better off without me as his person. I had to know.
I found an animal communicator to communicate with Jay, and ask him the much dreaded question. Would he be happier with someone else, someone who has their own farm, so he would not have to endure these barn situations any longer?
When Jay was asked this question, this was the response:
His left eye opened up. He asked if you are kidding. He feels the sunlight coming from your eyes. That’s his reflection of you. He feels cramped in his stomach and he can not breathe thinking of not being with you. He will not hear of it. Now his neck is long and thin and head is high up in the air. He tells you to dig deeper. He is sad over this thought. He says, I thought I was your baby.
When I read this, I broke down into tears. Crying in relief and crying in joy and crying in guilt for even asking such a question. With all that he had been thru in these barns, he still chose me. With all my imperfections, worries and fears, he still chose me. With my laughter, my smile, my kind heart he still chose me. With my anger, my pain, my past and all else that comes in this package, he chose me.
It is not often that an animal can make a choice of where it lives, or who is their person to be the witness and partner in their life. I wanted to give him that chance. Yet, he still chose me.
That was freedom, freedom that not even I had during times of my own life. Even though I have a voice, even though I am a person, I too have been in times of my life, where it was not my choice. I too have been caged like an animal, not choosing some of the people that entered into my life. Where even a voice cannot escape it’s bars. There was no way I was allowing that to be a part of another living being, especially to one I find so dear to my heart.
My voice returns, my choices gather, my fight continues, and I become larger than life, with no one stopping me, when I know that someone truly loves me and when given a choice, still chooses me. Despite the mistakes I have made, despite the times when my voice meant nothing. I stood by his side, seeking new solutions, to each unwanted circumstance that came our way.
That was freedom within itself. To be loved and to love. For that love to be accepted and returned. Seems like a such a simple feat, but so many of us have trouble allowing that in. While here before me, I got that from a horse, who has no voice, who often has no choices and who has endured much neglect and abuse before me. He still is able to love again. To laugh, to joke, to have fun. You can see it in his soft eyes and cute facial expressions, that the love has erased most of what he knew, and together we have found love, that each of us was looking for. To be free from the chains of the past and live in the joy of today.
Till your last breathe my sweet boy, I choose you too.
Love Diana

Copyright March 2105. All Rights Released

Living the Dream

Image -Willy

By Diana Wanamaker

I had just been ‘let go’ from my first Social Work job, right out of college, just a month prior to crossing paths with Willy. There was a sense of relief from losing that job, but there was much to process, for it mimicked the likes of a destructive relationship. The economy was beginning to flicker signs of deterioration, but it was not understood at that given time. So, my future showed much promise and hope with a Master’s degree at hand. I may have lost a job, but they could never take that degree from me. Despite what externally seemed like a unfavorable situation, I had much peace about it.
At the time a friend of mine was looking for a new horse. As many years before we often when on our horse hunts together. We had been horse riding partners’ for many years and having two heads in a horse purchasing situation is always best! So, off we went…..
We scouted papers and drove around the back, country roads just appearing at people’s doorsteps asking if they had a horse for sale. We arrived at this one farm where at the time there was probably 10 horses there. Her daughter was attempting a career in horses and had a horse that she was interested in selling. He was a Thoroughbred, and my friend had absolutely no interest in such a large horse. She was more a pony lover. But, we took a look in spite of the mismatch.
The young woman led the big, red chestnut into the barn and both our eyes lit up at how handsome he was. The young woman tacked him up, even though there was little interest, one never knows what horse will be ‘the one’.
I was usually the guinea pig to try out new horses and with this one I didn’t offer much argument. We went out to the arena and I mounted up and took a few spins around the arena.
The minute I got on him and felt that trot and canter I felt as if my whole world had been lit up! It took me back 20 yrs., and I fell in love instantly! My friend saw the sparkle in my eye and the elation of joy that had overcome me.
Even though I was not looking for a horse whatsoever, it was on that fated day that I found my Willy and purchased him about 2 weeks later. It was a difficult decision at the time, but I have absolutley no regrets!
He offered to me parts of life that I don’t think I have ever been able to equate in a human relationship. He was this beautifully, big, majestic, gallant being. He offered so much to me and in time we became soulfully connected. But, in all life’s instances it seems that Willy was already connected to me on that day that he changed my life forever.
Yesterday the memories of him brought a friendly visit of Willy, although he is no longer with me, his presence remains in my heart forever.  That day we met and the months to follow was one of the happiest and most peaceful times of my life.

I was collecting unemployment and looking for work, so my days were relaxed and flexible, at the time.  It had been about 12-15 yrs. since I had a horse of my own.  Always have had horses in my life, but having one I could call my own, too much time had passed for that.

Willy was this big, beautiful Thoroughbred, hard to miss his gallant prescense. Confident and courageous horse that moved forward like he feared nothing.  He would travel across the ground in large, strong strides.  I would just raise my seat out of the saddle to enjoy the strength in each stride he took.  He was a powerful ride and was not for your average rider.  His experience in Eventing and Jumping and all the previous training he had prior to our meeting, showed in the glorious ride he would take me on each and every time.  His trot was very difficult to post to.  One had to really, really work hard to ride to his trot. I knew he would be a challange when I met him, and I was ready for each marvelous ride he took me on.  His energy levels were very high and I had to dedicate hours and hours of exercising him each week, whether it be on the end of a line, or out on the trails.

Willy, also known as Big Red, became my trail riding gelding.  Across many a terrain he took me. Through winding trails in the woods, dodging tree stump trails in the northern trails of michigan, crossing large river’s, or speeding up the many hills and mountains of Michigan.  Over the small eventing courses at a nearby trail, was my favorite of all.  I loved to jump and Willy helped me relive the dream of jumping again.  No matter the jump, he was going over it, no matter the timing of the jump, he made it over.  He was more than I had imagined he would be and each day I was lucky to have him.

The days of our Life together: July 10, 2001 – July 8, 2010

Copyright February 2014. All Rights Reserved.