Tag Archive | trust

Mirror Mirror

Image -Sadie lou Spring 2015

By Diana Wanamaker

Dear Sadie Lou,

Mirror Mirror
a hand reaches out
feel it’s warmth encircled in love
shuffled from home to home
the touch that leaves it’s sting of betrayal
trust again
feel the hand that leaves scars
shuffled again
the ghost of trust leaves its distant shadow
Why open again to another hand of trust
again they will leave
again they will betray
Why invest outside of the inner world
raise your guards
put on your armor
never give in again to the hand of trust
that leaves it’s silhouette of darkness
open the door
view the crack of light that circles the room
allowing the past, opening the future
stand still in the history
or move forward into hope
Mirror Mirror

There lies the history of your world with each time you turn away, each time you walk in fear. Your uncertainty of ever allowing to trust again is shown in your escape. Your inner world only opens to the external light when your guard is down. You yearn for the warmth of love, but place a shield around your heart. In small sequential steps you allow to be seen for all you have to give in return. The past dictates the fear that envelops your outermost world. Uncertainty and mistrust have become your faithful guides. It is a see saw of caution and trust. Acting committed, feeling doubt. All you knew speaks louder words than what your present world offers.
Why trust again? Why open up again to another person when it always ends. There is no forever. There is only today. Life passes by with no commitment’s, easily passed on from one place, one person, to the next. There is no real nirvana relationship. To risk again is for the sake of love and the escape of the isolated world of fear.
It will always be with you. You have come a long ways. You will see again the goodness of other’s.
You cannot be told to love again, only time and trust writes that story.

Shall you imagine a world between us where only love wins. Where you may give all that can be returned. May the past lower it’s shield and open it’s gates to a relationship that will allow us both to live in peace forever. To a paradise where dreams speak softly. Where a hand only strokes in kindness. Where trust is the foundation. And love wins.

Mirror Mirror

I wrote this recognizing what I saw in Sadie is what I too am, and what I too have experienced. It has come to this point in my life, where there has been so much hurt, so much betrayal and deep loss (particularly life long friendships) that I too had come to a place where I did not want to trust again. I too walk in caution with each new person I meet. Excited about the new possibilities of new friendships, yet cautioned by each new step I take forward. Mirror, mirror was a look at how Sadie and I share the same history that has taken us to the same place in life today.  How we each desire to overcome it, and live beyond it.

Copyright September 19, 2015. All Rights Reserved

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The Mule Connection

Image -Sadie Lou summer

By Diana Wanamaker

I got the closest and best snuggle yet from Sadie Lou last night! It was wonderful! So wonderful I had to share! Not my first snuggle, but the closest snuggle I have had from her yet.
I walked up to her and I stop about 2 ft. from her and talk softly to her, because I can feel her backing away, as she often does. Then I took a few more steps and approached her, towards her shoulder. Once I reached her, I reward her with a neck massage and talking to her in a soft, tone. Then I approached her head and stroked her head softly, reaching up to itch her ears (and she leaned into it). Then I speak to her in a soft, whisper tone, as I begin very slowly and very softly stroking her nose and her head. Her head was down and she remained quiet and still, not turning away, but enjoying the snuggle. Then I put my check up against a nook, just below her ear, as I softly stroked her nose and her head, talking soft, sweet loving words to her. Her head was relaxed and placed in a low position, leaning against me. I grabbed the moment. She allowed herself to enjoy it and released her often stout, on guard stance she takes. We both just allowed one another to be there snuggled to one another, trusting the other with this very close proximity. I was in awe! Then I thanked her and told her what an awesome Mule girl she is and walked away to finish my chores. She followed me into the stall and I continued to tell her how wonderful that moment of closeness was! I had a smile on my face all the way back home last night and continued to immerse myself in the feelings of that wonderful moment of closeness we shared!

As I began her training, I was impressed with her extremely quick learning and how willing she was to please. She often would ask me what she should be doing, as I was learning this new method of connecting (Parelli) myself.
I know today, there are my own issues of past and abusive relationships that play a part in this relationship. I have learned that what I expect is what would have been from a human relationship. Absolutely nothing would come from an abusive relationship. Progress forward would not exist. Sadie has opened so many triggers for me, in ways I had forgot, because of her distancing and what seems to be a never ending world of never trusting again. As I learn myself to trust again, and to deal with my own ghosts of my past, as she learns to release her’s as well.
No doubt there are days I want to give up, and I know there are days where Sadie wants absolutely nothing to do with me!
The push-pull of developing a closer connection is a long, and slow road with a mule, is what I have learned.
But, when I least expect it, she becomes a partner and surprises me with her willingness to give and be the partnership I hope for her and I to be. I have also learned how I need to be a trusting partner to her, in a way she feels safe and more willing to release her trust.
It is, without question, the most unusual and the most challenging relationship I have had with an animal, hands down!
But we are both here, and I have learned to cherish each moment of connection, each step of progress she gives to me, and each time I am able to learn to respond to her in a way she connects. Each of us learning, giving, releasing and pulling away again. She really is an amazing animal and as we continue on, I continue to struggle with trusting her, but I also have learned to celebrate each and every moment she releases her trust to me.

Copyright November 27, 2015. All Rights Reserved

The Art of Allowing

Photo -Barn at night my

By Diana Wanamaker

The infinity of the night forever captures me. But on this night the moon lit up the sky and my surroundings of the barn almost as much as the break of daylight. Accompanied by the quiet stillness of winter.
I had made some attempts to take some night shots of Sadie in her paddock, as the warm welcome of the barn lights invited us from the moonlit darkness. However, the limitations of my camera could not even capture her shadow. She followed me around the paddock, standing close to me, as I tried to get distance from the two of us, so I could capture her on this moonlit night. But she continued to stay close to me, playfully nibbling on my hand and my coat, expressing her joy of this game.
That is the notion about getting close to those who fear closeness. When it no longer becomes a powerful wish, a determined intent on one’s part. Often too demanding of the other, and that energy is released with no judgements placed on it, but simply a wish of fortune that is allowed in their own time. Then comes a gift of all and more of the intimacy that is so craved. The love, the affection, the trust of two beings that struggle with trusting another again. All upon this moonlight night.

Copyright January 2016. All Rights Reserved